Wednesday, August 19, 2015

PAPPU IN AMETHI- THE ZERO LOSS THEORY IN PAISA ZAMA SARKAR

So, Pappu was in Amethi. He addressed a mammoth crowd of ten people. Out of that five were women and five men. He promised he would get rid of the "Suit Boot" Sarkar and bring in the Pyzama, Kurta and Chappal sarkar. One mother-in-law looked at her daughter-in-law and said "If you wear a pyzama and kurta, my son will divorce you!" At which, the daughter in law cried copiously and left for home. Pappu was in his world talking what he had learnt during his sabbatical. So, he did not notice this. Now, a mammoth crowd of nine were left.

Hum chaahte hain aapki sarkar chale, shirt, chappal, kurte-pyjame ki sarkar chale: Rahul Gandhi in Amethi



Suddenly, from the blue, his Brother-in-Law sprang up from somewhere and whispered in the ear of Pappu, "If you tell that I am your brother-in-law, that is the end of my relation with your family."

Pappu was bewildered. Then the last man sitting in the mammoth crowd said, "Pappu Jee! I will tell you a story. Hear with attention."

I Know This Lawyer


So, he told the story as follows.

"A small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand in a trial-a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"                    

She responded, "Yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy. And frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.                    

You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."                    

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Williams, do you know the defense attorney?"                    

She again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. I used to baby-sit him for his parents. And he, too, has been a real disappointment to me. He's lazy, bigoted, he has a drinking problem. The man can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the shoddiest in the entire state. Yes, I know him."                    

At this point, the judge rapped the courtroom to silence and called both counsellors to the bench. In a very quiet voice, he said with menace, "If either of you asks her if she knows me, you'll be in jail within 3 minutes!"                  

So, Pappu Jee! It is better you keep quiet, as your brother-in-law is wearing a Suit and Boot and he enjoyed all the five elements, land, air, water etc., from your Paisa Zama Sarkar.

Pappu continued. "This Sarkar stands for crony capitalists. We will stand by you." Naveen Jindal came. "If you tell I was part of your Sarkar, that will be the end of the story"

Meantime, two farmers started walking back from the meeting. Pappu was very angry. "Hey! Guys! Are you RSS men? Why are your wearing boots."

They replied, " Jee! Sarkar! These are not shoes.  As we were working in the mud, we were picked by your cronies that looked like capitalists in Suits and Boots and promised to pay Rs.500/- for half an hour show. Our time is over, we are leaving. And these are not shoes. This was mud that stuck to our feet as we were pressing the mud with feet" And they left.

Seven remained in the mammoth crowd. The four women left out asked, "Pappu, Jee! Is there no Saree Sarkar? Nor Salwar Kameez Sarkar? No provision for veil?"

Pappu thought. This was not taught at Bangkok. He said emphatically, "No!". They left. Three remained. One of them asked, "Is there no provision for skull cap?" Again Pappu tried to recollect. He said emphatically, "No!". The three left.

Suddenly, Kapil Sibal appeared from no where. " I told you the zero loss theory. All laughed.Now you have nothing to lose. I am also leaving, as I wear a black coat." And the security men too left as they were wearing Suits and Boots.

Then Akash Vani said incognito. "Pappu! Do not worry. Now, you have nothing to lose. India is a diverse country. Southerners wear Lungi and shirt, youth wear jeans and tea shirts, yogis and bhogis wear nothing, women wear saree, salwar kamiz, rich people wear suit and boot, poor wear a piece of cloth to protect their honour, white collared workers wear their uniform, blue collared workers theirs, you too wear tea shirt and jeans when you visit FTII, your mother wears saree, your sister wears saree or salawar kameez. So, none will vote you! Sibal is right. You have a zero loss! Tathastu!". So saying, she vanished into the skies. Pappu was left thinking.

His Great Grandfather's Soul appeared in the skies. "Great Grandson! We should not preach what we do not practice. I did the same, your grandmother did the same, your father and mother did the same. At least we enjoyed power. You are doing this without power. Our stupidity that was behind veil all these days was exposed today, like the Priest's sanctity. I will tell you the story. Listen carefully and go to Himalayas! Do not further expose us!"

He told the Priest's story thus.

Curiosity gets the Priest

A priest, in urgent need to use the bathroom, walks into a local bar. The bar is jumping with loud music and lively conversation, but every few minutes the lights abruptly go off. Every time the lights go off, the bar crowd bursts into loud whoops and applause, but when they see the priest enter the bar, the place becomes absolutely quiet.                     

The priest walks over to the bartender and asks, "Can you please tell me where your bathroom is?"                     

"Sure, but I have to tell you, father, there's a statue of a naked woman in it and she's wearing only a fig leaf."                     

"No problem, I'll just avert my eyes, then," Said the priest.                                           

The bartender then shows the priest to the far side of the bar where the bathroom is located. After a short while, the priest comes out of the bathroom and the bar crowd pauses only long enough to give him a rousing cheer. Perplexed he goes over to the bartender and asks, "I'm puzzled. Why did they cheer for me as I came out of the bathroom just now?"                     

"Well, father, it's because your curiosity has made you human and likeable, just like us," said the bartender. "May I pour you a drink?"                 

"No thanks you, but, I'm still puzzled," said the priest.                     

"You see, father," chuckles the bartender, "every time somebody moves the fig leaf on the naked woman statue, the bar lights go off. Now, what do you say to that drink?"  

These two stories are from     


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So saying the Great Grand father's Soul vanished. And Barkha Dutt came, consoled him, interviewed him and wrote in her news "Rahul tears into Modi. He emphatically blasts Modi".                    

She was wearing a Salwar Kameez and declared to Rahul she wont vote for a Pyzama, Kurta, Chappal Sarkar! Pappu was left alone with zero loss!

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