Wednesday, September 9, 2015



Once, Abraham Lincoln faced a peculiar problem.  Abraham Lincoln had no love for favour seekers, especially when they took his time away from the duties of Presidency during the Civil War. On one occasion, he gathered together, number of would-be office holders and told them this story.

“There was once a King who wished to go out hunting, so he asked his Minister if it was going to rain. The Minister assured him that it would not. On the way to the woods, the King passed a farmer who was working in the land with his donkey. The farmer warned the King that it would rain soon. But the King laughed and continued on his journey. A few minutes later it was a down-pour from the Heavens and the King and his companions were soaked full. While returning, the King found out the farmer and asked him how he forecast there would be rain, as the skies were clear then.

“It was not me, Oh! King! It was my donkey that predicted. He always drops one ear when it is going to rain.”

The King was impressed with the farmer and his donkey and brought them to the palace and made the Donkey the Minister and dismissed the old one.

“Then what happened?” asked the curious would-be Law-Makers.

“Since then on, every Donkey started asking for official position. Gentlemen, so leave your credentials in the office and go. I will call the suitable ones once war is over.”


For Congress, to elect a President, this does not pose a problem at all. There are no Donkeys outside the Dynasty that aspire for the position of President.

But, there is a relation between Donkeys and Dynasty here. The following story illustrates how.
During the Kingdom of Sri Krishna Deva Raya, Tenali Ramakrishna used to play the trouble-shooter in many tricky situations for the King. In the Telugu Film, Tenali Ramakrishna, he says “I hail from Tenali on the river banks of Krishna. I am a Niyogi (the person chosen) Brahman. I will be useful in any work, I am employed. I am the son of Ramanna Mantri. (I told this as I too hail from Tenali, on the river Krishna Banks, I am a Niyogi Brahman, my father’s name was too Ramayya. In the interview in the Bank, I told exactly this dialogue. “Give me a job. You will get result from me faster than from any one. Alas! Like Ramalinga, I too suffered at the hands of unreliable Kings, but succeeded in the larger game of life)

Back to the story now! There were two sects of Brahmins in the Rayala Kingdom, one Vaishnavites and the other Smarthas. I do not know why they used to fight, as I believe in the larger picture of Hinduism, as a guide to the suffering world. Tatacharya was the Raja Guru (Teacher to the King), the most important position in the Kingdom (e la Ahmed Patel, in 10 Janpath; both have similarities as both were misguiding the rulers but were enjoying the fruits of closeness to the Kings/Queens). This man was a sworn Vaishnavite, who hated the very names or faces of Smarthas. So, he was covering his face with a cloth whenever he saw Smarthas on the road. This was not liked by the Smartha Brahmins. But they were helpless as Tatacharya, aka, Ahmed Patel was close to the ruler. So, they pleaded with Ramakrishna to help them from facing the ignominy any further.

Ramakrishna had a talk with Tatacharya. Tatacharya said Smarthas were sinners and those who saw their faces would be born as Donkeys in future births. Ramakrishna heard it and kept quiet. One day, Tatacharya, Ramakrishna and Rayalu were enjoying the evening breeze on the banks of river Krishna. A fleet of Donkeys was coming in the opposite direction. Ramakrishna suddenly stopped and started bowing at the feet of each Donkey. The King was shocked to see the mad behavior of Ramakrishna. Tatacharya laughed and said he already told so. Niyogis were Smarthas too, but Tatacharya could not express this, as the King loved Rama very much.

The King asked him, “Rama! What is all this?” Then Ramakrishna replied, “Excuse me Oh! King! These are all relations of our Manya Guru Tatacharya. See that Donkey was the Great Grandfather, this was grand-mother, this was his father, this was his uncle, he was his father-in-law from Italy, this was his mother-in-law and so on. All these were seeing the faces of our sect in previous births. If you want confirmation ask Manya Guru Jee!” At which King Sri Krishna Deva Raya Rolled Over the Floor Laughing and his Immortal Soul is still rolling over in Delhi seeing the Dynasty Donkeys.


Every year, before the CWC meeting, there is a clamor for Rahul to be made President of the Indian National Congress. (He is not yet married and none asks him, why?). Before the meeting he meets a hundred people here and a fifty there etc., There is a rumor either they are bought or brought. He sits with them, promises to stand with them in case of trouble and sleeps in his seven star category cottage. But after the CWC meeting he still remains Vice President, Sonia remains the President. Man Mohan Singh has been carrying his shoes to give to Rahul since  three years and carrying them back, as Rahul is either unwilling to wear them ( enter the shoes, literally speaking) or whether he is forced to return them with thanks to the old soldier of the family, we have no knowledge. But my premise is that the latter may sound good.

This is what happens in the CWC, once Congress Working Committee, later turned into Congress Warring Committee (And they were defeated in several wars) and now turned to Congress Woeful Committee. This may have been what happens, though I have no sources and Barkha and I are not the best of friends.

As usual, those who are permitted to read the scripts they have been given, present a case that Rahul be made the President as they require young blood. Rahul is young by Congress standards (Shashi Tharoor and Digvijay Singh in a legal way and some others in an immoral way have proved that they are younger) but we have no sources to confirm whether his blood is young.

The meeting begins an hour late by Congress standards. Sonia and Rahul are seated on the dais and others in the front. Or they are sitting on U-Foam cushion beds in a circle. Each leader is given a chance to speak or read the script given earlier to them. They sing paeans of Sonia’s leadership since 1998 and that Congress has never touched such bottoms in its entire history. “Her patriotism can never be questioned (which country, they are not clear)”.

“But she is ageing now, she wants to hand over the mantle to his son, Rahul, as is custom in the Congress. We know Rahul fought for farmers and saw that they were kept in perennial poverty, as per the avowed policy of Congress”

This is parroted by all speakers. Now, it is the turn of the President-in waiting to speak. He expresses willingness to serve Congress as President if and when “Mommy” so feels. He cries, “Mommy!” and sits.

Mommy does not speak nor read as she does not know how to read also. She asks a few questions to Rahul.

“Beta!  Are you married?”

“No, Mommy!”

“Do you have children?”

“What a question Mommy? How could I, when I was not married?” Rahul blushes.

“Did Diggy not train you in live-in relations?”

“No! Mommy! ” blushing again.

“What is your age?”

“Short of Forty Five”

“Beta! If you get married today, you will get a son at your age 46. By the time he grows to your age, you will be 91. So, there is no one from Nehru-Gandhi family to take over the reins of Congress from you. Without Nehru-Gandhi family there is no Congress. Without Congress, there is no poverty in India. With no poverty, illiteracy, paranoia about the majority, Congress will not get votes. So, we have to close shop soon. Whether you will do or I will do, it is a million dollar question. How can any mother allow her son to close the party owned by them? So, I will continue as President.”

So saying, she proposes her own name as President. For five minutes none seconds it. So, she seconds it. For five minutes none announces her victory in the democratic election. So, she declares herself elected most democratically, to the august office for one more year.

“Mommy!  What I shall I tell to the waiting journalists outside?” asks Rahul.

“Give a cryptic reply that you do not know”

So, he comes out and gives a “SCRIPTIC” reply that he does not know anything. Media men and women are enthralled. They report that Rahul has matured a lot, but it will be next year only he will be President.

“Gulam” “Nahin” “Azad” tells Media Men and Women that the Congress has achieved Independence and kept 75% of population under poverty line. “What did Modi do?” he asks. Media return happily. He also says Congress is the most democratic party in the world and asks “Was not Rajiv General Secretary of Congress during Indira regime? If she did not die in tragic circumstances, he would have continued in the same position.” Barkha or Saggy, or Arnob or Rajdeep do not think it fit to ask Azad, “Was he feeling sad that Rajiv was PM and hence Sonia is now ruling. No! It is not their glass of wine!”

Of heads and brains we shall read this funny anecdote about Sir Winston Churchill and close the blog.

“A few years before the outbreak of The First world War, Churchill was present in a diplomatic reception. An Italian Military Attache asked a Luxembourg Diplomat about a medal he was wearing. “It is an ancient order called the Royal Admiralty Cross” the Diplomat replied proudly. After he walked away, the Italian turned to the First Lord of Admiralty, Winston Churchill, and remarked mockingly how odd it looked that Luxembourg should have this honor when it did not have a Navy. “Why shouldn’t they have Admiralty?” Churchill quipped, “You in Italy, after all, have a Minister of Finance – yet you do not have a treasury.”

So, if you are a Donkey from Dynasty, nothing prevents you to occupy any position of power and you need not have brain. We do not care if you do not have hair on head but you should have an heir to lead the party after you. Or, you are ineligible. We shall rather close the party to allowing others to take over. This was the solemn pledge our first PM made to Lady Mountbatten.

Now, it is “Mid-Summer Night’s Dream” only for Rahul. Long live Shakespeare!