Monday, September 7, 2015

THE ALL IN ONE BLOG- JUST FOR LAUGHS- CONGRESS HAS ALREADY DONE THIS









THE ALL IN ONE BLOG- JUST FOR LAUGHS- CONGRESS HAS ALREADY DONE THIS


After reading this you may wonder, "Is this old man losing out on his brains that he writes incoherently, like Karan Thapar?" 😃😃😃 No! I am OK. Problem is I do not have TV connection. I do not get "BREAKING NEWS". So, I read.  When I read, I want to write. So,I write. Writing without troubling others to read is like Congress planning OROP.  Hence, I go on BREAKING VIEWS. You all haveTV. It is double blow for you! BREAKING NEWS by headless chicken and BREAKING VIEWS from restless old man. This is like GADBID Ice Cream, we used to enjoy in Mangalore, to cool our heads heated by the Bank Management. It was a mix of all Ice Creams supplied in a drum-like tumbler. After eating real GADBID was starting in stomach and we used to forget issues with the Bank. So, if you want forget other worries, share this worry with others.
                                                  ######################

I had a long time desire to be a qualified lawyer. After meeting Mr. Kapil Sibal in the SC Bar Association Hall, I dropped the idea temporarily. Later, due to my constant moving from place to place and my children's educational pursuits and my money pursuit to see they were suitably qualified, I could not make to the grade. Still, I have that ambition. Who knows? I too may a lawyer in hell? In fact, after I lost my job as a very successful Manager of a Bank, many lawyers used to use my services to draft their plaints, paying Rs.100/- or so. There is one saying in Telugu. "చచ్చిన వాడి పెళ్ళికి వచ్చిందే కట్నం." (For the marriage of a dead person, whatever comes is Dowry). I was a dead person by that time as far as my society, relations and close associates were concerned. So I was doing odd jobs, even for paltry fee of Rs.50/_ or Rs.100/- I was traveling across doing Bank Audit for CAs. That was how I visited remote villages in AP, TG, Karnataka and Maharashtra. Though paltry, the fee was coming in handy and keeping me away from severe depression those days.
I was acting as adviser too, to many businessmen and politicians, doing odd jobs like drafting petitions to government and drafting plaints for their lawyers. On one such occasion I attended a hearing in the 1st Court of SC. We wanted to hire Mr.Kapil Sibal. But his fee was above our estimation. We hired another very famous lawyer paying Rs. 2.00 lakhs, I think . Still I remember standing on the stairs of the SC, after making payment, and explaining our case. His thoughts were lost somewhere else, I observed. We could not help. Next day, the hearing was in the CJI Court No. 1. By the time our case number was called, the senior lawyer whom we paid was not to be seen. The Junior, who hailed from our District, (Presently one of the Additional Solicitor Generals, I think) searched and found him passionately arguing another case, in another court. He returned and informed the CJI. He was furious. He dismissed our case with costs. Our Junior Lawyer did not open his mouth and say a word. Crestfallen, we returned. My patron suggested that if I studied Law, it would have been better. (The Petition was drafted by me and signed by our Lawyer!). He said "After death, where would these guys go?". I told him the following story. I told him that the lawyer we hired was from Congress Party only.

An Engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates.  St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you're an engineer -- you're in the wrong place." So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in.  Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements.  After a while, they've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how's it going down there in hell?"  Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great.  We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies, "What???  You've got an engineer?  That's a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."  Satan says, "No way.  I like having an engineer on the staff, and I'm keeping him."  God says, "Send him back up here or I'll sue."  Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right.  And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

                            #########################
These Congress guys are funny people, wherever they are. They think they are rulers of the world and all are subservient. Especially, Bankers gave them a larger than life image. One Congress Minister (now in BJP, unfortunately) once told me that he would see my end in the Bank. I told him, I had already seen my end on the first day I entered my Bank (read my story Part 9, my end started when I started my life in the Bank, just as my end started with my father's death in an earlier employment)
and he could do what he wanted. Another MP once called me at 8.30 AM, (I used to be in the Bank before the Sun opened his rays in the East) and asked me to send Rs.15.00 lakhs soon after cash chest was opened and he would send the cheque soon. So, I never wonder these Congress guys shooting their mouth and telling blatant lies in front of cameras. That is in their DNA. (They can not collect 50 lakh DNA samples in India, as there are not many voters for them now).
So, whenever Modi did something they would say, we did this long back. When Modi started "Clean India" campaign, they said "Our Mahatma Gandhi started this in South Africa itself". Do not wonder. "Beti Padhao, Beti Bachao" was our scheme. He is following our foreign policy. Is he vegetarian? We too are, when we do not eat meat. What is great in that?
I expected a statement from Manya Digvijay Singh to say that Modi ignored his wife. "See, I married the second time!" I tweeted him saying, "130 year Congress married twelve year old JDU for convenience." What is in age?" Like Karan Thapar said "What is in a name?" Mostly you did not read his column. He wrote that none cared when Cannaught Place was renamed after Indira and Rajiv. "Who cares if Aurangazeb's name is removed?" See, without his knowledge, he accepted that people did not accept Indira or Rajiv. But they will accept Dr. Kalam and ignore Aurangazeb. Congress can then  file a defamation case on him for comparing Indira and Rajiv to Aurangazeb, when people start calling the name as Dr.Kalam Road. Did we not accept Chennai and Mumbai? This old man lost all sense of imagination, being with Congress news papers.
Let us come to the topic back. Thapar always disturbs me, so I read him more. So, whenever Modi does something, Congress says we have wanted to do that. None from Media asks them, "Did you you that?". They know the answer. So, they don't trouble their masters. I remember a joke in a picture.
"I wanted to be a Doctor, like my father"
"Was he a Doctor?"
"No, he also wanted to be a Doctor"
Congress boasts just like this. When OROP was announced Sibal said they did it long back. Somebody tweeted (@harshkapoor) "One Rahul One Priyanka". Another friend, @gurukamth replied "One Robert, One Priyanka" and said a Senior like me "One Rowl and One Pappu" (@Scver).
They did this OROP since these two kids were born and Priyanka married Robert. Pappu was the latest incarnation. 
AK Antony said this was our Scheme only. "What is new? They diluted it by Rs.9000/- crores." These guys are like the regular Bar Goer, that quits drinking but still drinks.  But read this first.This explains the brains of Sibals, Chidus and Antonys. 

A Case for More Beer

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo, and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.
In much the same way the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know, kills off brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, constantly making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
They follow this principle in letter and spirit. By constantly chattering lies, they kill the weakest brain cells, but after 130 years, the strongest cells too have died and that is what we are seeing now.
Congress guys tell lies in such a way that we have no other way but to believe them. Read this story. You will know. You have no option but believe this guy that he has stopped drinking.


To Absent Brothers

An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender says to him, 'You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The Irishman replies, 'Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together. 'The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss.' The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. 'Oh, no, ' he says, 'Everyone is fine. I've just quit drinking"
                                                          #################

Pariwar never gets bored of war politics. Congress is burning all coals it accumulated in scams, Lalu is bringing dry grass (once green, now dry) and Mulayam, the match maker brought a match box to lit fire under the cauldron. In the cauldron is Nitish who says, "Boil me! But I will be CM!" . They pour pure Ganga water, purified by Congress only (why should we deny?) in the cauldron and Mulayam lit the fire. The cauldron is hot enough that Nitish has no escape. If you read The Asterix series of Comics, you would remember the magic potion made by the Druid, to be given to NDA, the Asterix now. So, Nitish, the Roman King, meets his career end. Lalu is happy. If Lalu is happy Congress is happy, as they partners in their own progress. Mulayam, the Sambamdhi of Lalu proves to be the Samadhi (grave yard)  for the career of Nitish. 

Did you ever hear the story of the two women passengers and an old pasenger who wanted to take a sweet nap in the train to Delhi, 7RCR. 

Two women passengers were travelling to Delhi anf a Mulayam was also traveling. One woman said, "If you open the window,I will die of the cold wind. So close it.". The other woman objected and said, "If you close the window, I will die of sweating. So,open the window". One was opening and one closing every second, all the time shouting. Mulayam who wanted a nap and dream about 7RCR, got vexed." These people never allow me even to dream of PM post.". So he said, "Madam L and N, I will close the window for ten minutes. One will die. Then I will open it. The other will die. I can take a nap and dream of PM post."

Once, it comes to real seat sharing, this is what is going to happen in the Pariwar. So, be it! 

Now, I will tell you why I wrote this blog. I took Earl Grey Tea, with Gin, Vodka and Limca and got inspired to write a serious blog on Maj.Gen. (Retd.) Satbir Singh, now hungry and now angry. I finished  it in one sitting. My bladder was full. I had to relieve myself from the tension, as I get no pension, being a dismissed officer, so I started writing this. After this I may get relieved.
And this too inspired me, to write non-stop. 

Q:  Why did the Chicken cross the road?


Anderson Consultant:

Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.  Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes.  The meeting was held in a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, visionsistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Did you follow? Just for laughs!

(Lawyers' plaints are like this only. By the time you finish reading, you forget what you have read first. I was adept in drafting these Lawyers' plaints. It was fun, except the fact that I was doing it to beat meet my penury and searching for my daily food)

So, to relieve myself and re-live a little of my past, I took to reading funny stories and writing this blog. Tell no Congress Guy that I have written this. He will take credit for that and say he has already done that.

Enjoy your working week. Take time to read. If not, no issue! RT. Others will read.

                                                   ######################


SARVE JANAHA SUKHINO BHAVANTHU