Thursday, October 29, 2015




All that happened in Bihar was like this. Nitish wanted his broken down car to have a new look. He went to Mulayam workshop. He called Mechanic Lalu and asked him to repair it. "This skill will be useful when you go back to jail" assured Mulayam. Lalu picked a wheel here, a brake there, an accelerator here and a petrol tank there and made it look like a sturdy Mahindra Jeep, painted it and named it Pariwar. Nitish was exalted. He asked Mulayam to occupy the front seat and that he would be in driver's seat. But Mulayam said he had work back  home and asked Lalu to drive and advised Nitish to occupy the  front seat. He told Lalu, "Do not involve Nitish Babu in accident" and he winked at Lalu. Lalu smiled wryly. (Nitish met the Tantrik to know the secret of these gestures only). "Who will occupy the back seat?" asked Nitish. "Why? Our Kanwal Babu is there" Mulayam said. They searched for Kanwal. He waved his hand from his private Helicopter and shouted "Ventilator" . Lalu laughed and said, "bechaara has ASS Pain. Going to doctor". They did not know he was carrying ventilator for Nitish in case he fainted. From nowhere Barkha and AK came and occupied the back seat. Lalu was not pleased. He is a self-made man. If he has to commit accident he has to do it alone. He does not like back seat driving.  Nitish was happy. He was circumspect about Lalu.

The car started. WoW! It started at 120 kmph. Nitish jumped in joy. Soon, it picked up speed. It reached 150. There was no end to the joy of Nitish. "150?" he cried. "Now! You press M button"Barkha guided from back seat. WoW! 180 kmph. "Now, Y button." AK said. It went to 220 kmph. Nitish was shouting for N button. But from back seat, neither Barkha nor AK were allowing him to have a say. The car lost control. It reached 300 kmph.  Nitish cried "Brake. Apply brake."  "Where is the brake? Do you know?" Lalu asked. "No!" Nitish replied. "Do you know?" he asked the back seat drivers. "No!" they replied in panic. "I know!" Lalu said, "It is with Mulayam." And he jumped out of the car. The car hit a tree. All the three lost consciousness. When they woke up, it was Eighth November. Lalu and Mulayam were having Beef Party in Lucknow. Rahul too was there. "For me, zero loss" he was saying in glee.

Around two to three decades back I read one joke in Readers' Digest. A very rich lady buys the latest and costliest model Rolls Royce. She wants to show it to the world. So, she hires a driver, sits in back seat and starts on a freeway. WoW! The car starts at 120 kmph. She was elated. Soon, it races to 150, 180,, 220, 300, 350 kmph. She get panicked. She shouts "Apply brake." "Do you know where the brake is?" driver asks. "No". The car went to 400. He again asks, "Do you know where the brake is?" She says, "No". He says, "I also do not know".


This was how it again happened in Bihar. Originally, Lalu was unwilling to accommodate Rahul's Congress in Maha Ghat Bandhan. In a relationship the "Woh" factor is always intriguing. But, Nitish had further ambitions. "If Bihar is mine, I can conquer India and then the wold." So, he told Lalu, "Beef up! Rahul is too good to be ignored. He wanted to be PM but he is now in AM (Attack Modi) mode. We will use him for that.  We will send him for a week-end with Charlie Rose first. He will do somethings to this youth." So, Rahul went to Aspen and returned. Surprise! He learned many exercises there. He started using them in his mammoth (around 199 people)  public meetings across Bihar.

1. Jumping: He is jumping to conclusions very fast.  Today he said Modi referred him and his mom as "Three Idiots" as he forgot numbers as NDA was losing. (He is not sure who is winning. Certainly not Congress)

2. Climbing walls: His tension in his meetings is enough indication that he is climbing the walls in frustration. With sparse attendance in his meetings, voters went to the wall to see that he was defeated and he hit the wall before the polls were over. Kejriwal was looking bemused as he pushed him to the wall. He is off the wall in his calculations and is now placed  against the wall to be sent scurrying for security.

3. Dragging heels:  He started dragging his heels, when he was originally included in the Ghat Bandhan by Mulayam. Ultimately he accepted reality that to win three seats at least, he required Lalu, the convict on bail.

4. Pushing luck: We know this. He has no cadre, no leader, no grandeur, no past odor.

5.Making mountains out of mole hills: His continuous barbs on Modi about Suit-Boot, about Modi's foreign jaunts in plane as if he walked to foreign shores, eating American Dal (in USA it costs 5 dollars per kg,)  any other inconsequential issues that serve no purpose to common man are proof of this. 

6.Bending over backwards: To prove he is a leader. This is the toughest exercise he has to do for next fifty years..

7. Running around in circles:  We know this. He says the same words again and again. The pig tail remains on the back only.

8. Putting his foot in his mouth: For this Charlie was not necessary. He always had and now has and will have his foot in mouth. "Poverty is state of mind" "We ruled 67 years, 67% of Indians are poor" etc., are some famous feet that dropped from his mouth.

9. Going over the edge: We know oftentimes he goes beyond the dirty and awkward.

10. Beating around the Bush: He beats around the bush constantly, does not have acumen, knowledge or wisdom to speak anything coherently. Poor guy is still learning alphabets.

These are all exercises that are not taught in Congress War rooms. So he goes or vanishes on a sabbatical.Only when he jumps into the electoral fray, we know what he is doing. Lalu is happy he is there to pour water on Niitish ambitions, though he initially has opposed him.  For Lalu there are no qualms. Tomorrow, he will say, "Modi Zindabad". If Nitish says it earlier, he cant help but join the chorus. Saving his skin and securing his kin are his priorities.

Courtesy: Readers' Digest again.


This was hot it happened in Bihar. Lalu was accompanying Rabri to a poll meeting. Nitish, forgetting that he joined him, shouted as CM, "Hey! You should take him to jail". Rabri nodded her head and went away. Next day, Nitish again found them going on the road. The CM in him shouted loudly. "I asked you to take him to jail yesterday. Why are you on the streets again?" Rabri replied coolly. "I showed him Jail yesterday. Today we are going to CM Bugalow to discuss seat sharing." Then it dawned on Niitish Babu, he tied up with this convict on bail. "All in the game. People are illiterate her. They do not understand". This is the background of his cheating people again with promise of teaching them English."

Courtesy this funny story from UK.

A boy with a monkey on his shoulder was walking down the road when he passed a policeman who said, "Now, now young lad, I think you had better take that monkey to the zoo." The next day, the boy was walking down the road with the monkey on his shoulder again, when he passed the same policeman. The policeman said, "Hey there, I thought I told you to take that money to the zoo!" The boy answered, "I did! Today I'm taking him to the cinema."

The following story has nothing to do with Bihar. But read and laugh as we are going to laugh our way to victory on 8th November. A prelude and a practice.

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.
He immediately phoned the police, who asked, "Is someone in your house?" and George said, "No," and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.
George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.
"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."
Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"