Monday, October 26, 2015



 (choodu Pinnamma Paadu Pillodu, Paina Paina Paadataatadu)

Marriages are of two types as per our culture. They are arranged marriages and love marriages. Love marriages are like pre-poll alliances. There is no surety the love will last and the marriage will not be lost in divorce. Arranged marriages are like post poll alliances. There is no surety these too will last or there is no guarantee they will break up. Recently a third type of marriage has come to stay and is accepted as legal, though culture vultures like me say they are unnatural.They are gay marriages. In this a man kisses a man. If a third man comes in between, one of these men may say, "Third gay Murdabad", at which the third gay might not take any objection and might even sing,

We are all gay,
Let us remain gay,(happy)
Kiss the other one may,
I do not lose my hay!(grass).

Marriages are made in Heaven, did you hear this? I heard. But some of our politicians proved that they could be made in hell too. In these marriages Tantriks act as High Priests. Groom goes to the Tantrik to request him to preside over his intended marriage with Lailoo (Bride or Groom?) and a 130 year old bride on death-bed out of courtesy and pity. The Tantrik may suddenly love the groom and may not approve his alliance with Lailoo and curse him(er) "Muradabad" and kiss the groom. This is called "Pati, Pati, Patni aur Woh". Hope Gulzar writes script for a picture instead of losing sleep on the non-existent intolerance in the country.

(Some one tweeted Guljar had been the most honorable man like Brutus but he never came out openly when  Majrooh Sultanpuri was jailed by Nehru, Indira jailed all, banned his own film Aandhi, saw that Yamagola a Telugu film was not released, when sterilizations were forced on unwilling people of a community, when Operation Blue Star was perpetuated, when three thousand Sikhs were massacred etc., Leaving all these, this Honorable Brutus never bothered when public money was looted to the tune of lakhs of crores of rupees as as result of which people died of malnutrition, hunger and deprivation and committed suicides. His Honor did not pinch him when Bollywood, of which he had been a part, turned into a haven for black money, criminality by underworld, threats and killings of Bollywood guys by underworld. He did not see it a crime for a senior actor allegedly to run over footpath sleepers and some Bollywood actresses mocked those sleeping on foot paths. It was not intolerance.They are all in the game. A statement by a small time Hindu activist becomes a hate crime and suddenly Judiciary too wakes up to reality. What a hypocrisy?). Sorry I deviated from my humor blog. But, we should call a spade a spade at the appropriate space.

So, this four way love story goes on like this with three gay and the other too grave. I asked Lailoo whether (S)he was not affected by the communal kissing of his(er) groom by the Tantrik. (S)he said, "Tantrik has beard. My groom has beard. As both have beard their hair tips touched each other and hence, due the ubiquitous beards they hone regularly, it is a secular act and instead of jail I prefer hell. So, all is well with me." I asked the "about to die" 130 year old bride. (S)he said, "No issue. I am, however, dying. What I want is some one to tie the knot to me before I reach hell gates. Beard or no beard, communal or secular, I am not bothered."

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open. ~George Bernard Shaw

All said and done, the two main gay partners will remain gay opening and closing the window through the night, resultant effect is there being no productivity. Hence, in the first two attempts,all the invitees to the "gay marriage" absented themselves and the few who came did not gift them anything. But, a perception is sought to be created that all is well, what if gay, what if the Tantrik has not blessed the couple but instead has kissed one of them, the marriage is going to be success. The dead horse has no role, of course.

I heard about the perceived success of the marriage and wanted to talk to the individual would-be partners who wanted to live together. So I first met the Grayoom. (Gay Groom) whom the Tantrik kissed on the cheek in a covert act of affection and called for death to the Gride (Gay Bride). I asked him why he is so down despite a perception created from AC rooms that the marriage would be result oriented and successful.

"Somethings can't be explained" he said. "What is that, that is intriguing your mind? After all, you are Andari (Inside man)." I asked. "Well" he said. "I wanted to milk my communal and casteist cow. So, I fixed an alliance with Lailoo, as (S)he owns a cow herd in his(er) backyard." "It was good! No? Why are you down?" "Somethings cant be explained. (S)he said that Hindus ate beef. So, all Hindus said they won't bless us in marriage. So I went to the Tantrik, to seek a way out." "So?"  I asked.  "Somethings cant be explained. He developed love at first sight on me and kissed me.  So, the regular beef-eaters too said they would not support me. And all the relations of my Gride (Gay Bride) decided not to bless our alliance, as they were upset as the Tantrik called for death to the Gride, as he (the Tantrik) wanted to be my Gride. " But as per Prashanth Jha, Prashanth Kishore and Rahul Kanwal, Barkha Dutt, Sagarika Ghose, Shekhar Gupta, Rajdeep Sardesai etc., you won the perception Gride. And you have a 130 year old bride still." "Bhai! Somethings cant be explained. We kept all Biharis underdeveloped, illiterate and Bahari of Bihar.  Now, time is limited. The 130 year old bride is on ventilator and the Doctor that wanted to treat her went into ass pain." "Do one thing" I told. "After 8th November, you too grow your beard further and become a Tantrik and kiss Lailoo's sons from earlier marriages. That will settle the matter".

From there, I went to the Gride's home. (S)he was playing with his(er) 25 and 30 year old sons from earlier marriages with toys. They are grown but yet to mature. When I went, the following game was going on.

Lailoo kept apples in one basket and told his(er) grandsons (there are many of them) to take only one apple each as "God is watching". In another plate on the table there were lots of cookies. The two sons that Lailoo wanted to groom as heirs, went to the cookie plate and said, "You can take as many cookies as possible, as God is busy watching apples".

"Wah! Lailoo Jee! You trained them from grassroots. They will shine fifty years hence, if they do not land in jail like you". I greeted Lailoo. Lailoo did not recognize me. (S)he was not angry too.  (S)he chuckled and said, "Yes! See! This is Lok Tantrik Vyavastha. I am happy." "BTW", I said, "How about the Woh kissing your Grayoom?"  "Woh to kuch nahin hain. My agenda is clear. My Grayoom called me wild animal and my family Jungle Raj. My revenge is now to take on him. I am not bothered about this Gay Marriage. Let him kiss the Tantrik. The other 130 year old bride is suffering from ass pain. She is retired hurt. Now, let me see how my Grayoom establishes a family." I got wind of his(er) thinking. So, the Media perception, the AC rooms in AK Municipality etc,, the secular cries are all fake. As if (S)he read my feelings, Lailoo said, "This is politics Bhai! He said he would commit political suicide. I said I would help him. I only prodded the Tantrik to kiss him so that his political death would be smooth and my role is forgotten." I rushed to Rahul Kanwal to tell this. But he is busy arranging ventilator to the Grayoom. I returned back.


I was lost in thought that night how an Ahankari secular Neta could allow a Tantrik of a religious cult kiss him. I slept. In the dream truth dawned. This secular neta is, in fact, communal and cult-loving. He faked secularism. Whenever time permitted he was sitting with Tantriks discussing ways to crush Modi. These meetings were regular. One day, Naraada, on his regular visits to troubled areas went there and observed the goings on. He went to Lord Vishnu and complained how this Neta was cheating one community. Lord Vishnu laughed. The next minute the Tantrik kissed the Neta. Narada was flabbergasted. "I thought you would punish him. Instead you offered him a kiss through the Tanttrik." Lord laughed and said, "Yes! now, you see his troubles. How can he tell anyone a male kissed him? And when the truth comes out how can he defend his own gender? He will be crushed by the giant wheels of the Maha Gay Bandhan Bus". And Narada is laughing his way in the EVMs now.

To understand the above fable, read the following fable.

"Once, there was a preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he would be on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds were in the sky, and the temperature was just right. 
The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." 
God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup 250 yards away. A picture-perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. 
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "I beg your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him." 
God smiled. "Think about it-who can he tell?" 


So, the said Neta made a Maha Gay Bandhan, in which he included a jackal from jail on bail and also a 130 year old lady partner that was involved in many Gates and hence, the Bandhan came to be known as "Maha Gayte Bandhan", and the Neta was crushed under its weight. 

Taken from Maha Gay Purana, third Aswasa!


 असतो मा सद्गमय ।
तमसो मा ज्योतिर्गमय ।
मृत्योर्मा अमृतं गमय ।
 शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥

Om Asato Maa Sad-Gamaya |
Tamaso Maa Jyotir-Gamaya |
Mrtyor-Maa Amrtam Gamaya |
Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih ||
1: Om, (O Lord) Keep me not in the Unreality (of the bondage of the Phenomenal World), but lead me towards the Reality (of the Eternal Self),
2: (O Lord) Keep me not in the Darkness (of Ignorance), but lead me towards the Light (of Spiritual Knowledge),
3: (O Lord) Keep me not in the (Fear of) Death (due to the bondage of the Mortal World), but lead me towards the Immortality (gained by the Knowledge of the Immortal Self beyond Death),
4: Om, (May there be) PeacePeacePeace (at the the three levels - Adidaivika, Adibhautika and Adhyatmika).