Wednesday, April 27, 2016


MOCK TALE : INDIAN CORRUPTION LEAGUE AKA ICL 

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Did you say "Corruption is as old as Cricket or Cricket is as old as Corruption?" Both are complimentary. The question is not which is old or which is new. Both Cricket and Corruption are games "connoisseurs" play with aplomb. If you hear and see about IPL (Indian Premier League) being openly played under the auspices of BCCI (Board of Control For Cricket in India), what you do not hear and see is the ICL (Indian Corruption League) clandestinely played by the the Ind Con Looters (ICL) under the auspices of the mostly unknown and unseen Board of Control for Corruption in India. Pseudo crusaders against corruption in India like Ar. Kej. and Nit. Ku. can see the game and conduct a "Scam by Scam" running commentary. (commentary does not run but players run away). The Commentators are carefully chosen so that under their big honesty masks the corrupt can can play their game uninterrupted. If any source leaks any information about the ICL played by the ICL under the auspices of BCCI 2, these commentators shout from under their masks, "We are honest". What they do not reveal or the world can not know is they fake honesty in alliance with the dishonest like Sheil and Lal. 

Now how are games of corruption and cricket played? We know in cricket the bowler bowls, the batsman hits and runs or gets out  and he goes to the pavilion. There are eleven players in each side, few bowlers, few batsmen, few all rounders and a wicket keeper. The game of corruption is one to one game. One bowls (gives bribe) and one bats (takes it). There are fielders like Opposition, CBI, ED, ACB, CAG and Courts. All are all rounders, except fielders.  So let us see how Ar Kej and Nit Ku run the commentary without our knowing what all is happening on the "corrupt ground".

"Hi! Kej !"

Hi! Nit !" 

"Welcome to the latest edition of Indian Corruption League" 

"Thank you, Kej!" 

"I congratulate you for your unrelenting crusade on corruption. Did you catch anybody till now?" 

"I too congratulate you too! Did you catch any one?"

"Both said at a time , "No! I dropped all catches." and murmured "Fixed the match!"

"Shall we inspect the ground before the Captains of corrupt teams go for toss?"

"Yes!  The ground seems wet with early money due (aka early morning dew)"

"Natural! Kej! If Corrupt grounds are dry, how can one play? They should be always wet with dew made with treasure brew.  It always intoxicates the players like Mountain Dew."

"True! Nit! You are more experienced than me.  That too now you allied with two most corrupt parties. I am waiting for such a chance once I lose majority votes"

"Wish you good luck, Kej!. The ground and pitch seem green with grass, Kej!"

"It is not grass Nit! You know your ally does not allow grass to grow under your feet. It is Greenback, AKA Dollars. Corrupt convert Rupees into Dollars and stash away in Virgin Islands. This is one such Virgin Island " 

"You are right Kej! You are more experienced here. After all, you receive lot of Greenback from NGOs from abroad."

"Right Nit! Now the Captains of both Corrupt teams are coming out for a toss. I wonder why both are are wearing the same color dress!"

\"Both are Con teams! That is why this ICL invokes special interest, more than IPL."

Now Nit Ku started to run a Commentary on the toss.

"Corrupt Con A Team opted for Heads and tossed the coin. It was tails. Corrupt Con B Team opted to bowl" 

"What do you think the chances of A team, Kej!"

"There is nothing to guess Nit! The A Team is full of bribe givers/takers. B Team is full of bribe takers/givers. One gives, the other takes. It is a tie. All is fixed before only. I am one of the fixers of the game.  Great Fun and Great Funds. This "Fun"Job is for "Punjab"

"Ha, ha, ha! Kej! You are master of the game. Game is starting."

Rewind.

All the fielders CBI, ACB, ED, Opposition, Courts and Judges are in the field to catch at least one corrupt player. There no Umpires on the field. They collected their greenback and went away homes to take their families to the beachfront.

"Who is it Nit? The bowler? And the Batsman. Never seen."  

"You are new to this game Kej! She is IndCon who is bowling. And it is Natlal who is batting."

"Now comes IndCon and bowls a slow ball. Nat hits it and runs one, two, ...sixty lakhs. Wow! Nat hit sixty lakhs runs. The bowler is displeased.. Sleazing started.  They are arguing. What is it? Let me switch on the hidden audio on the ground. Bowler is asking the batsman to give her the sixty lakh runs. He is protesting. Wait for my next ball, she is telling. OK, bowl, he tells the bowler.  She bowls a faster ball, He is hit on the neck  and falls down. Game over. Con Team B wins. Winner takes all sixty lakhs."

"Now it is Warr Andy coming out to bat. Ar. Sin. is the bowler. All the fielders are ready to catch. Ar. Sin. bowls. Andy hits it. WoW! He hit it in the air! More WoW! He too is flying in the air!!! The Slipping Fielder, CBI wanted to catch him if he fell down. No! He is flying, flying, flying, flew away!! The ball is falling down. CBI wanted to catch his "ball" at least. But Ar Sin who is running to say "TaTa, Bye, Bye" to Andy and giving a "flying kiss" to Andy hit him and he fell to the ground. Neither Andy nor his ball  could be caught by the fielder. Ar Sin had a smile. The smile said" You cant do anything. It is already fixed" 

"What do you say, Kej? "

"WoW! This game is better than my invention the "Ink, Shoe, Chappal, Tappad game" 

Nit continued with his Scam by Scam commentary. 

"Next comes Son Gan to bowl to Quat Chi. He too hits it in the air. He and his ball fly away. What a scene, Sir Jee!  I never saw such a game where action replay is seen. Wah! Again CBI wanted to catch the flying Quat or Cat.  He could not. At least his ball? No! A Pa came running and hit him hard.  He fell down again. So Cat flies away. No run in both games. No wickets fell. A great tie, two times."

"What do you say, Kej!"  

He did not reply. "I will start my own League in 2019. I have to somehow keep this guy away.  He is turning ambitious." Kej was in deep thought. Nit knew what he was thinking. "I know my grass well!" he thought and smiled. Kej coughed as if he were aware of Nit thought.

Nit continued. The fourth game. "If this also ends in a grand tie it will be hat trick of ties."

Now comes Sha Pa  to bowl to La Mo . Haaaa! Same result. He flew away. He landed in London. His ball did not fall. Clever guy. He may be playing hide and seek there. 

"That is the end of today's ICL matches. No! No! No! Don't go. One more pair is walking out. It is, it is, it is... Um Sta Ba to bowl to Vi Mal. But they are not Con Team. What do you say, Kej?"

"No! Nit They are the associate team of Con team. Con has so many associate teams."

"You are very experienced with corruption and the corrupt, Kej" Nit had a wry smile.

Kej was angry. Whenever Kej gets angry he immediately takes his fountain pen in hand. It is involuntary.  Years of public life taught him self defence.

"Sorry! Kej! You can not throw that ink on your face and blame me using Charkha! I already removed the ink."

Kej kept quiet, regretting he did not take out his slip shoes ab initio. 

So the ball was thrown by Sta Ba and same result. Vi Mal flew away. Sta Ba looked apparently stunned. But the fielder ED came to him and patted him and said that they knew the whole game. Sta Ba fainted on the ground. Oh! What a game! What do you say Kej!"

"I am thinking we can start our own League by 2019. We can call it IHCL (Indian Honest Corrupt League."

"Very good! But who will lead the League, IHCL."

"Me"

"Me"

"Me"

"Me"

Suddenly there is commotion in the Commentary Box. So many "Me" s came and threw Kej and Nit from there. 

Lord Hanuman saw all this and laughed.  "Oh! My heirs can fly higher and can travel long distances than me crossing oceans and they remind me of Kishkindha! Only difference is, he regretted, I did it to save my Lord and these guys are doing it to shave their Lords, the people." He flew away.

I woke up from the nightmare called ICL. With IPL, ICL and IHCL what is the future of my country, I thought. 


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SATYAMEVA JAYATHE