Tuesday, April 5, 2016

MOCK TALE - RAHUL GANDHI AS CONGRESS PRESIDENT 

JUST FOR LAUGHS
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A few dejected Congress Cadres from Kerala started on a difficult journey. Unable to bear the loss of face in all states and defeat staring them in the face in their own backyard, they wanted to cross the Arabian Ocean by swimming and reach off-shore countries to hide their faces. So, slowly they started to walk  on the ocean front. Suddenly one guy came across a very old lamp. Out of curiosity and as Congress cadres have no other work, this guy took the lamp in his hand and rubbed the mud on the glass. A Gene appeared and said, "You rubbed the lamp and woke me up from deep slumber. Now I have to give you a boon or I can not go back to sleep again" The cadres were elated and said, "You construct a bridge across the Arabian Ocean so that we can walk to that side and hide" The Gene thought for a while and told them it would be next to impossible. "You ask for an easier one" he said. The cadres thought for a while and said, "The reason we plan to cross the ocean is to hide from the ignominy of defeat and as our revered leader Rahul Gandhi is not becoming PM. Grant a boon that we will win and that out youth icon becomes PM" The Gene closed his eyes, thought a long time and said, "Do you want the bridge made with steel or bricks and sand?" Dejected the cadres asked the Gene his name. "Rahul Gandhi" replied the Gene and entered the lamp immediately to go into a deep slumber again. "And! Note this! You were granted a boon of talking to me as usually I can not and do not talk without script" And the Gene in the lamp is still in deep slumber waiting for some cadres to wake it up. Will they ever come as their tribe is vanishing fast? 

A few political enthusiasts are asking me why no one in Congress is pitching for Rahul Gandhi as the Congress President now. True! A few months back there used to be chorus of voices demanding that he be made the Congress Chief. I investigated the matter, talked to a few Congress friends and the truth came out thus.

It is the culture of Congress to have at least two groups diametrically opposite in views and ideals at any given point of time. You can go back to the times of Gandhi and Jinnah, this is as true as the defeat and decimation of Congress now. On Rahul Gandhi becoming Congress President too there were two conflicting groups.But the group pitching for Rahul Gandhi had their way and went on publicizing their view. The other group ignored this a few days but as the noise became shriller, they opposed the view and were about to express their view publicly. But the President Mom proposed a bout where they fight one one and the winner takes it all. 

The group opposing the Rahul Presidency selected the biggest guy and proposed the bout thus.  This guy  kicks the guy selected by your group  in the face and count the time how long it takes him to get back up, then he can kick our man in the face and count the time how long it takes for him to get up, Whoever gets up early will have his group's say. 

The other group agreed and they chose the strongest man in the group for the contest. So the big guy found his heaviest pair of boots and put them on, He took a few steps back, then ran toward the strong guy and kicked as hard as he could in the face.The strong guy  fell to the floor and is still lying on the floor.

So the group pitching for Rahul for Presidency lost the bout and from that time onward there is no clamor from his group. 

Rahul Gandhi was furious at this and called his henchmen and asked them to call all his lawyers post haste. They went out and returned blank faced. "Boss! They are all in the High Court defending you and your loving Mom in the National Herald Case"


There is another story doing the rounds. After the group "Rahul for Presidency" raised their voices the Mom President got a genuine doubt whether the guy fits the bill. So she called Shashi Tharoor, the most experienced bachelor after three marriages and asked him to test his IQ. So, Tharoor took him to a forest in Kerala and pitched a tent in the middle of the woods. After dinner they both slept. At midnight, Rahul woke up and saw the sky, the stars and the whole galaxy and woke Tharoor up. "See! Mr. Tharoor! How beautiful the nature is. The blue sky, the white Moon, the shining stars. I feel like making love here and now, if a beautiful angel comes down." Tharoor smiled and said, "Rahul beta! In your happiness to see the nature, you lost sight of the fact that our tent was stolen" 

On return Shashi told Mom the episode and that sealed his fate. No wonder, now, none is talking about Rahul. Even Rahul is talking about Kanhaiya, to hide his discomfiture.

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Did you ever wonder why Rahul's name did not crop up in any Congress Scams. To his credit goes the fact that he did not involve in the nitty gritty of scamming and getting shamed.  That is what we know. But the truth is otherwise.  He does not know how Congress does scams. 

We too do not know.. But read this, you will know.

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his former accountant.
The Godfather asks the accountant, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" The accountant does not answer. 
The Godfather asks again, "Where is the 3 million bucks you embezzled from me?" 
The attorney interrupts, "Sir, the man is a deaf mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you." 
The Godfather says, "Well ask him where my damn money is!" The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the 3 million dollars is. 
The accountant signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about." 
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He doesn't know what you are talking about." 
The Godfather pulls out a 9 millimeter pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, "Ask him again where my damn money is!" 
The attorney signs to the accountant, "He wants to know where it is!" 
The accountant signs back, "OK! OK! OK! The money is hidden in a brown suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!" 
The Godfather says, "Well....what did he say?" 
The attorney interprets to the Godfather, "He says...go to hell... ..that you don't have the guts to pull the trigger." 


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INSPIRATION FOR THE STORIES IS FROM 

http://www.funs.co.uk/fs/main.htm

AND

http://www.studyflight.ru/humour/humour.shtml