ARVIND KEJRIWAL'S MONKEY BAATH
On the lines of Narendra Modi's now famous Mann Ki Baath program, Arvind Kejriwal started his own Mann Key Baath. (Do not mistake it with his Monkey Baath on Twitter). In this program he wants to open the lock of his closed mind with a Key and spread the negative aura therein across Delhi. He takes questions from callers and answers their questions. Asutosh is also present but he is kept in the "DARK".
The program starts. First caller is on line or in line.
"Did you have break fast, Mr.Kejriwal?" Caller or C1.
"Did you call me, the busiest man in India, to ask this question?" AK. Asutosh turned blacker in the face and now we are unable to see his shadow too.
"No. Mr, AK! I have a doubt if Aam Admi can afford to break his fast?" C1
"Yes! I had. I had Modli, Motney and Mombar"
"Oh! You named everything after Modi, so that you do not forget that he is your enemy No.1? You remind me of Hiranya Kashyap, AK! He too was chanting the name of Lord Vishnu, his bete noir, so he did not forget Him."
"Thank you for comparing to a great personality" AK was pleased. Aside he asked, "Who is this Kashyap, Asu?" From the dark shadows we heard a hoarse voice, "Must be an AAP leader from Punjab, boss!."
Next caller C2 asked.
"Mr. CM. you promised "Corruption-Free" government in Delhi. How far did you succeed?"
"That is why I hate to talk to people. I feel comfortable Tweeting and Re-Tweeting. You did not get what I said. What I said was I would provide corruption free governance. Did you notice me governing? I did not start governing yet and I have no intention of governing in the near future. If I do not govern how do you expect corruption-free governance from me. Did you see Sultan Movie?"
The C2 cut the phone as his wife called him for breakfast.
C3 called. "Mr. CM! Without portfolio! You just said you did not start governing. But what do you do all the time?."
"I cough, I tweet, I abuse Modi, I abuse my own minister, I view movies, write reviews. How can a man do more work? Pictures are releasing like mosquitoes in rainy season. Where can I find time for governance? That is why I did not take any department."
C4 called. "
"Sir! I am waiting for free Wi-Fi. When will I get it ?"
"Does your wife work?" AK asked. Asutosh giggled. White teeth were prominently seen in the dark background.
"Ask her to take VRS. What will happen, you know? She will be free from all tensions. Is it not a free wife from tensions?"
"Sir! I am asking about free Wi-Fi."
"Oh! That! My PS is now under detention. I am not able to find an equally corrupt officer. The file is pending with him."
"Kejri! I was in AAP when you floated the party. You released a 370 page charge sheet on Sheila Dikshit. Now you are friends with her. What happened to the charge sheet?"
Both Kejri and his invisible Assistant rolled over the floor laughing.
"Why are you laughing?" C5 asked.
"You too thought it was a charge sheet?No, no, no, no and Noooo! It was a script for the film that I wanted to direct if I were not CM. But once CM, I became full time MC (Movie Critic). I have no time to direct the film. The script is getting dusted."
From the dark Asutosh said," Why don't you write a review on the un-directed film, boss? You are notorious for floating new ideas like odd-even, Mohalla Sabhas etc., Referendum was one more stupidest idea. "
"Very good Asu! I will add this to my book "one thousand and one stupidest ideas"."
C6 caught upon the odd-even mentioned by the invisible assistant.
"Mr. CM? What is your opinion on the success of odd-even scheme?'
"It is odd on even days and even on odd days" and both he and Asu started ROFL again.
"There is time for only one question. Grab the chance!" the moderator taunted the tired and truncated Delhi citizens.
Now it is a woman's voice. "Sir! Arvind Sir! I am your MLA. It is raining heavily here. I and my dear AAP volunteers are using umbrellas to plant plants in our neighborhood. What do you say, Sir!"
"I congratulate you, Lamba! That is called "Lambalism" (e la SYMBOLISM) . Whatever we do we should catch attention of Media. Or there is no point in being rulers. Did you read "Pickwick Papers" by Charles Dickens? You will find so many anecdotes that serve our purpose. People may enjoy the fun and pun but for us it is the Geeta. Go ahead! Do not forget to call Media whenever you do such stupid things. They will give good Head Lines and write praises. We spent Rs.526 crores on them till now! Quid Pro Quo! "
The Mann Key Baath closed. Wait for the next edition soon, if he conducts it again. A "U" flashed on the screen indicating U-Turn. There may not be further shows, as AK sees Modi conspiring against him.
P.S: Characters and events appearing in this blog are fake and fictitious like the governance of Kejriwal and his Schemes. They do not bear any resemblance to any living being, plant or animal like cow/goat. The views expressed here are entirely of the author and he is secular to the core like Kejriwal. "Hello! Ahmed Mia! Kaise Ho! How are our secular friends?"