Sunday, July 31, 2016


THE SISUPALA AND SAINDHAVA OF INDIAN POLITICS

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చెప్పులొని రాయి చెవిలోని జోరీగ
కంటిలోని నలుసు కాలిముల్లు
ఇంటిలోని పోరు నింతింత గాదయా 
విశ్వదాభిరామ, వినురవేమ!



This is a poem penned by the most famous Telugu Philosopher poet, in his very famous Vemana Satakam. (100 poems). In it, he writes about the devious, roguish characters like Arvind Kejriwal and their antics and also also about comic characters like Ashutosh, who writes some hog wash or hocus-pocus to justify the mystic behavior of his boss. Today he comes out with such a rigmarole of nonsensical justification for his boss's abrasive video circulated on the Twitter and given as much publicity as required by the all-obliging Media. In this piece, he gives some absurd justification for his mentor's paranoia that he might be killed by Modi and his followers. One such is the "dream growth" of AAP pan India. Surprising fact is that the INC India that commands about 18% vote even now and has presence in every state is not seen as an adversary by Modi but AAP that has lost its foothold even in Delhi (recent MCD By-Polls proved this) is feared by BJP and its bosses. Let us leave this here. as we are dealing with a comedian and comedian-villain here. Let us expose the villainy of Kejriwal and laugh at the Comedy track of the duo. They deserve no more and no less.



The above poem was translated by me two or three years back, in my attempt to present to the world an English version of the philosophy of Vemana. It reads something like this.




A stone in a shoe,

A fly near the ear, 
A speck in the eye ,
A thorn in the foot,
Nagging by one's mate,(spouse)
Do a lot irritate! 



Like a stone in the shoe, a fly near the ear, a dust particle in the eye, a thorn in the foot, and constant nagging by the spouse irritate a lot, these AAP guys led by the Fox-King Arvind Kejriwal constantly irritate the body politic by their "Abrakadabra" type of mysterious behavior. They may not be dangerous but derail the smooth running of the train of governance,  by their constant antics. Thanks to the high priests of Anti-Corruption Cult like Anna Hazare, Prashanth Bhushan and Yogendra Yadav and scores of Left oriented liberals, Indian political system got unfortunately entangled in a marital relationship with this party and its Chimpanzee members and gorilla leaders.. And the political knowledge of these neo-torch bearers of well-entrenched Indian political ethos,who want to lead politics in a new and rough road, is as good as my knowledge of fake fasts, law or psephology. 




Before I proceed to the real reasons behind this Dr.Watson, aka Asutosh trying to figure out what is working or not working in the grey cells of the magician who can make a hat vanish or make himself dead like a parrot in the fire and come alive like phoenix, I will tell you a funny story or two. And this leader can throw ink on himself, get slapped by himself or get the wind shield of his car broken in a no-man's land in Punjab and you know all these more through his Twitter account more than the ever-observant media.  If they are paid, they ape him. 




This guy, Asutosh is caught with his pants down and the tail of the mare raised with his own hand. The pets at his home might be seeking their share of the fun now. . 



               Some Things You Just Can't Explain

A farmer was sitting in the neighborhood bar getting drunk. A man came in and asked the farmer, "Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day, getting drunk?" The farmer shook his head and replied, "Some things you just can't explain."
"So what happened that's so horrible?" the man asked as he sat down next to the farmer.
"Well," the farmer said, "today I was sitting by my cow, milking her. Just as I got the bucket full, she lifted her left leg and kicked over the bucket."
"Okay," said the man, "but that's not so bad." "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer replied. "So what happened then?" the man asked. The farmer said, "I took her left leg and tied it to the post on the left."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and continued to milk her. Just as I got the bucket full, she took her right leg and kicked over the bucket."
The man laughed and said, "Again?" The farmer replied, "Some things you just can't explain." "So, what did you do then?" the man asked.
"I took her right leg this time and tied it to the post on the right."
"And then?"
"Well, I sat back down and began milking her again. Just as I got the bucket full, the stupid cow knocked over the bucket with her tail."
"Hmmm," the man said and nodded his head. "Some things you just can't explain," the farmer said.
"So, what did you do?" the man asked.
"Well," the farmer said, "I didn't have anymore rope, so I took off my belt and tied her tail to the rafter. In that moment, my pants fell down and my wife walked in ... Some things you just can't explain."


http://www.studyflight.ru/humour/funny-stories.shtml


What cant be explained cant be explained, how-so-ever 

Ashutosh tries to explain.. It is not the cow, but the mare that has given them the slip. They wanted the mare to run fast but just when their pants were down, its tail was up! Oh! what a scene to enjoy for the viewers! If all the pets of the ubiquitous comedian-turned-journalist-turned politician -turned back as comedian saw this, they would demand their share of the pleasure, with tails up.



Let me tell you another funny anecdote of what fakery 


leads to. 


A Mime in a Zoo

One day an out of work mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, a zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, has died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage before the crowd comes. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws bigger crowds than he ever did as a mime. However, eventually the crowds tire of him and he tires of just swinging on tires. He begins to notice that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the cage next to his. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top to the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it.

At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowds grow larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one terrible day when he is dangling over the furious lion he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.

The lion gathers itself and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run round and round the cage with the lion close behind. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help, Help me!", but the lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion and the lion says, "Shut up you idiot! Do you want to get us both fired?"



http://www.studyflight.ru/humour/funny-stories.shtml

The lion Kejri and the mime Ashutosh, both are fake Their masks came down now, with people knowing that under the masks there lie two stupid, paranoid guys, out to earn their lively-hood, providing entertainment to people through stupid acts and talk.


“Sometimes what you see of a person
 Is only what they want you to see 
But if you disrespect that part 
They will see all of you” 

― Robert Black

What ails Arvind Kejriwal  and Ashutosh: 

Ashutosh gives a few reasons why his stupid boss is afraid of getting killed by unknown forces. The first and the funniest is that because Arvind Kejriwal contested him in Varanasi, he is afraid Modi will take revenge. Stupid fellow! What more can I call him? So, Smriti Irani should hold the same grudge on Raahul Gandhi and circulate a video that her life is in danger. Whatever one may say Rahul is the better of these two. He behaves like a mature politician though some statements show his immaturity.

The second reason, he says, is the expected rise of AAP. It has been rising since the past two years. I have an anecdote here.

        "COOL GUYS - I ROSE AS MY BLADDER IS FULL"

The picture hall was getting filled. One guy who came in just then touched the one already sitting and that fellow got angry and started shouting at the man who came just then. The second man too sat for ten minutes, and during much of the time , the shouting continued. 

And suddenly the second man rose like Ashutosh dreams AAP is rising. People started murmuring, "He rose! He rose! Now the real fight starts"

The fellow whoo who rose said., "Cool guys! I am going out to pee! Nothing more in my rising."

"లేచాడు , లేచాడు అంటే లేదు, లేదు అల్పాచమనానికి అన్నాడుట! 

I do not have objection if bladder of Ashutosh is full and he wants to pee. Let him rise.

The second point here is if AAP rises, worry should be for INC India, as it is the national party that loses ground, not the BJP. Even that is not happening, as INC India is still a force to reckon with. And one more point this comedian misses out is that by the time these guys fully rise, Modi will reach 75 and quit and two more PMs will have completed their two terms each. And where will be AK and AS be then? Just imagine. Modi need not kill them.

The third point is that Modi is afraid of Arvind Kejriwal and hence, he may harm him to eliminate him from his way. If one sees too many Bollywood Movies, these fancy ideas sprout like bed bugs in Chicago! 


Real reasons for Arvind Kejriwal's Video: For those who do not follow the news in totality, recently Supreme Court rejected to entertain a plea by a third party on behalf of Modi to file defamation case against the mystic CM for having called the PM "Coward and Psychopath" Reasons given are that only Modi can file a defamation suit as he is the one attacked. This ruling gives boldness to this guy, who calls himself CM. He knows Modi will not stoop to his level. If Modi started filing cases a million cases would have been pending in all courts, half on Barkha Dutt. 

The second alternative is a case under relevant sections can be filed against him. In fact, he waited for that so that he could resign and try to evoke sympathy  in Delhi where he was losing ground fast. This did not happen. So he went for Vipasana for twelve days entrusting the job of defending his stupid acts to his "Chela".

Sisupala and Saindhava of Indian Politics: We can not really identify who is the Sisupala and who is the Saindhava of these two guys. They alternate the characters in between them. 

Sisupala was born with a congenital defect. Lord Krishna cures him. But there is a curse that the same person who cure him kills him. So, on the request of his mother Sree Krishna grants her a boon that he will pardon his 100 sins. Then He kills him.

Now, relate this to Delhi. If AK is Sisupala and Delhi voters are incarnation of Lord Krishna, they cured his congenital defects and made him CM. But they too gave him time for 100 sins and he is fast in committing them. He knows his exit is imminent. So, this final drama as Sisupala plays in the Rajasuya Yaga, just because Lord Krishna was honored with the highest honor. Being Khatriya, he mocks Lord Krishna, a Yadav. Just relate this. A bania, upper caste egoist, is blaming a lower caste Lord now! 

And Saindhava! Saidhava is, by character, a sinner to the core. He molests the wife of Pandavas and is about to be killed by Bheema. Duryodhana protects him. Bheema was about to kill them both. But Lord Krishna intervenes.  The same Saindhava bears a grudge and helps Kauravas kill Abhimanyu by deceit and gets himself killed.  Ultimately, Pandavas win the war and decimate the Kauravas. 

Relate this. AK and AS are both, by character sinners. They could have been decimated in Delhi polls, the second time. Like Kauravas, INC India intervened. They won a small war in Bihar by deceit joining hands with a convict Lalu. That episode ended. Now it is time for decimation of the modern day Saindhavas in polls. That is one more reason for the paranoia and he is searching for his alibis like "My bladder is full. I rose only to pee" 


Sherlock Holmes and Watson


Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" 
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you retard. It tells me that some bastard has stolen our tent!" 

To end, Ashutosh knows as much as Dr. Watson knows, in this episode. It is better if he pets his pets instead of allowing himself to be petted by the most selfish guy ever born on this earth. 

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