Always have the situation under control, even if losing. Never betray an inward sense of defeat.
Part 12
THE CHURNING OF THE OF OCEAN
OF MY LIFE - MY OWN
STORY PART 12 - GAME OF
LADDERS AND SNAKES
BEGINS IN RIGHT EARNEST- SNAKE
II
THE CHURNING OF THE OCEAN OF
MY LIFE – PART 12
BACK TO FAMILY PRESSURES –
OUTSIDE INFLUENCES AND ENVY RULES THE ROOST - LIFE GOES IN THE SAME DIRECTION-
BLAME FOR FAULTS OF OTHERS FALLS ON ME
*************************************
I shall go back a little and
turn my attention to the family affairs. As usual, my third brother's envy has
been constantly haunting me, with one blame or another directed at me. My
success in resolving the issue of our father’s pension and the publicity given
to my resourcefulness in getting the impossible work done only added to his
envy.
My elder sister showed little
interest in her studies. Her concentration was on making friends with both
genders. On a Saturday, I was returning from the office. She was walking on the
road very close to a boy. I stopped them and asked the boy to leave. I asked
for details about him. She said he was a Christian boy who was in love with
her, and she was discussing about attending his birthday party. I was very
angry and told her that she had to complete her graduation before she thought
about love and marriage. She said she was not interested in studies. The blame
game started. I pampered her too much. I was solely responsible for her
abrasive and wayward behaviour. I did not understand. I only showed her
fatherly love as she lost her father at a very early age. It was true I
pampered her and spent huge amounts of money to keep her happy and to see that
she forgets the loss of a parent at a tender age. What was my fault. I suffered
a lot at the hands of my elder brother and his family. I did not want a repeat of
that.
True to speak, I was a bit
sensitive to feminine feelings. In the process, I bought a chain, spending
Rupees One Hundred those days to a girl. She was a friend of my sister. She
showed it to her and told her I bought it. My sister told the news at home. I
do not remember why. At that time, both my second and third brothers were at
home. They started beating me. I ran away from home. My mother chided them for
blaming me for that. She also chided me for going after girls. My brothers declared
that I was responsible for all the ills at home. I asked them to take the whole
family to their places. I had no objection. That silenced them. Later, I
married a girl of my choice. Again, my third brother started an issue in front
of my wife why I did not wait till my elder sister was married. I had my
reasons for hurrying through the marriage in a Registrar’s Office. I asked him
why he could not wait. He was silent. So, even before I left for Bellary, an
informal decision was made that my sister should be married as early as
possible.
It was not difficult. If we go
back to the days when we stayed in Tenali an unexpected incident took place.
Unable to face harassment by our landlord, we decided to search for a new place
on lease. Through some sources. Someone told us that a portion of a house near
Venkateswara Theatre was vacant. I accompanied my mother to see the place. We
saw the place. The rent quoted was very high. Then, the landlady came to talk
to my mother. An unexpected event took place. My mother and the landlady saw
each other for few minutes. They did not say a word. After few minutes, they
hugged each other and started crying. “You are so and so; you are so and so”. I
was a mute spectator. Later it came out that they were best friends as
children. Her husband was a Dy. Tahsildar in Tenali. He earned a lot, as it is
usual with Revenue Department officials. He had six boys and two girls. The
story did not stop there. After we came to Hyderabad, she saw my elder sister,
it seems. Immediately, she proposed a
marriage between their fourth son and my sister. My mother was elated. She never dreamed of
sending my sister to such a rich family, and the bboy’s mother was her best
friend. She immediately gave her consent.
Now, why did such rich family
opt for a poor girl like my sister? My sister was very pretty; there is no
doubt. But beauty does not provide money. The Tahsildar, (he became Tahsildar
before retirement was, by nature a miser and the two objects of his love are
his wife and money. We have his wife on our side but we do not have money. When
the mother of the boy told her husband about the girl , he immediately
objected. “They cannot give dowry”. Outside my son gets huge amount of dowry.
After marriage, the brothers will not be able to provide him with gifts, as it
is an obligation “. The boy’s mother insisted. He was caught between his love
for his wife and his love for money. His
wife insisted. Then he accepted on one condition. The condition is that we
should give the dowry, as demanded by him. The three elder brothers of mine
took dowry of Rs.5000 to 5500. We were prepared to spend the same amount as
dowry for my sister. It is not appropriate to talk of the personality, age and
other aspects of the boy. After all, I married one of the prettiest girls. He
was working in a rural railway station, as station master. He was not a
graduate. After both the boy and girl saw each other and agreed to marry, the
real picture came out.
My brothers were not satisfied
with sending our sister to a rural place. But my sister was ready. She was in a
hurry to marry. It is not her fault. Fault partly lies with me. If I were not
married, she would have waited. She would not have waited for long, anyhow. She
decided to discontinue studying. I came to our place for only one day. That was
the day the formal meeting of the boy and girl was to take place. As I had no
leave, I rushed back to Bellary. My brother was working in the
Telecommunications Department. As it was free he remained in constant contact
with me. My elder brothers should know why he was in contact with me and not
with them. The reason was simple. I was committed to my family. My family
members were attached to me. They knew I was the only person who could make
things happen.
So, the negotiations started.
My brother and my mother only negotiated with that gentleman. My brother was
going to Guntur to meet the retired Revenue Department official. He demanded a
heavy amount. And my brother informed me. I said it was not possible. My mother
was pestering. After days of negotiations, his demand increased as my
brother-in-law got selected as clerk in a Bank. After a lot of to and fro, I
finally gave a go-ahead for Rs.8000/-, in cash as dowry besides some other
demands. My younger brother was worried. I told him that he could contact the
other brothers and each of us would contribute Rs.2000/- each. That would be
Rs.10000/-. We had a fixed deposit of about Rs.4,500/- , the amount of arrears
of the pension and PF of my father. I promised him that I would borrow more
money if required. (I was not having
even the Rs.2000/-, as I was bankrupt by then. The mother of Venkateswara Rao
lent me the money again. I do not remember if I repaid them or not).
So far, it went well. One
morning, my brother called me and told that the gentleman is demanding a silver
plate and a glass, which would have cost Rs.8000/- those days. The ball was
back in square one. I did not blink or think. I told him to take one of the
silver plates and one of the glasses to a gold shop and remodel it without
investing much as extra cost. We were too young and my brother was , by nature
not so courageous. I told him to approach our maternal uncle and take his help.
With his help the old plate and glass were exchanged for new ones. An issue was
solved.
Always have the situation
under control, even if losing. Never betray an inward sense of defeat.
Part 12
THE CHURNING OF THE OF OCEAN
OF MY LIFE - MY OWN
STORY PART 12 - GAME OF
LADDERS AND SNAKES
BEGINS IN RIGHT EARNEST- SNAKE
II
THE CHURNING OF THE OCEAN OF
MY LIFE – PART 12
BACK TO FAMILY PRESSURES –
OUTSIDE INFLUENCES AND ENVY RULES THE ROOST - LIFE GOES IN THE SAME DIRECTION-
BLAME FOR FAULTS OF OTHERS FALLS ON ME
*************************************
I shall go back a little and
turn my attention to the family affairs. As usual, my third brother's envy has
been constantly haunting me, with one blame or another directed at me. My
success in resolving the issue of our father’s pension and the publicity given
to my resourcefulness in getting the impossible work done only added to his
envy.
My elder sister showed little
interest in her studies. Her concentration was on making friends with both
genders. On a Saturday, I was returning from the office. She was walking on the
road very close to a boy. I stopped them and asked the boy to leave. I asked
for details about him. She said he was a Christian boy who was in love with
her, and she was discussing about attending his birthday party. I was very
angry and told her that she had to complete her graduation before she thought
about love and marriage. She said she was not interested in studies. The blame
game started. I pampered her too much. I was solely responsible for her
abrasive and wayward behaviour. I did not understand. I only showed her
fatherly love as she lost her father at a very early age. It was true I
pampered her and spent huge amounts of money to keep her happy and to see that
she forgets the loss of a parent at a tender age. What was my fault. I suffered
a lot at the hands of my elder brother and his family. I did not want a repeat of
that.
True to speak, I was a bit
sensitive to feminine feelings. In the process, I bought a chain, spending
Rupees One Hundred those days to a girl. She was a friend of my sister. She
showed it to her and told her I bought it. My sister told the news at home. I
do not remember why. At that time, both my second and third brothers were at
home. They started beating me. I ran away from home. My mother chided them for
blaming me for that. She also chided me for going after girls. My brothers
declared that I was responsible for all the ills at home. I asked them to take
the whole family to their places. I had no objection. That silenced them.
Later, I married a girl of my choice. Again, my third brother started an issue
in front of my wife why I did not wait till my elder sister was married. I had
my reasons for hurrying through the marriage in a Registrar’s Office. I asked
him why he could not wait. He was silent. So, even before I left for Bellary,
an informal decision was made that my sister should be married as early as
possible.
It was not difficult. If we go
back to the days when we stayed in Tenali an unexpected incident took place.
Unable to face harassment by our landlord, we decided to search for a new place
on lease. Through some sources. Someone told us that a portion of a house near
Venkateswara Theatre was vacant. I accompanied my mother to see the place. We
saw the place. The rent quoted was very high. Then, the landlady came to talk
to my mother. An unexpected event took place. My mother and the landlady saw
each other for few minutes. They did not say a word. After few minutes, they
hugged each other and started crying. “You are so and so; you are so and so”. I
was a mute spectator. Later it came out that they were best friends as
children. Her husband was a Dy. Tahsildar in Tenali. He earned a lot, as it is
usual with Revenue Department officials. He had six boys and two girls. The
story did not stop there. After we came to Hyderabad, she saw my elder sister,
it seems. Immediately, she proposed a
marriage between their fourth son and my sister. My mother was elated. She never dreamed of
sending my sister to such a rich family, and the boy’s mother was her best
friend. She immediately gave her consent.
Now, why did such rich family
opt for a poor girl like my sister? My sister was very pretty; there is no
doubt. But beauty does not provide money. The Tahsildar, (he became Tahsildar
before retirement was, by nature a miser and the two objects of his love are
his wife and money. We have his wife on our side but we do not have money. When
the mother of the boy told her husband about the girl , he immediately
objected. “They cannot give dowry”. Outside my son gets huge amount of dowry.
After marriage, the brothers will not be able to provide him with gifts, as it
is an obligation “. The boy’s mother insisted. He was caught between his love
for his wife and his love for money. His
wife insisted. Then he accepted on one condition. The condition is that we
should give the dowry, as demanded by him. The three elder brothers of mine
took dowry of Rs.5000 to 5500. We were prepared to spend the same amount as
dowry for my sister. It is not appropriate to talk of the personality, age and
other aspects of the boy. After all, I married one of the prettiest girls. He
was working in a rural railway station, as station master. He was not a
graduate. After both the boy and girl saw each other and agreed to marry, the
real picture came out.
My brothers were not satisfied
with sending our sister to a rural place. But my sister was ready. She was in a
hurry to marry. It is not her fault. Fault partly lies with me. If I were not
married, she would have waited. She would not have waited for long, anyhow. She
decided to discontinue studying. I came to our place for only one day. That was
the day the formal meeting of the boy and girl was to take place. As I had no
leave, I rushed back to Bellary. My brother was working in the
Telecommunications Department. As it was free he remained in constant contact
with me. My elder brothers should know why he was in contact with me and not
with them. The reason was simple. I was committed to my family. My family
members were attached to me. They knew I was the only person who could make
things happen.
So, the negotiations started.
My brother and my mother only negotiated with that gentleman. My brother was
going to Guntur to meet the retired Revenue Department official. He demanded a
heavy amount. And my brother informed me. I said it was not possible. My mother
was pestering. After days of negotiations, his demand increased as my
brother-in-law got selected as clerk in a Bank. After a lot of to and fro, I
finally gave a go-ahead for Rs.8000/-, in cash as dowry besides some other
demands. My younger brother was worried. I told him that he could contact the
other brothers and each of us would contribute Rs.2000/- each. That would be
Rs.10000/-. We had a fixed deposit of about Rs.4,500/- , the amount of arrears
of the pension and PF of my father. I promised him that I would borrow more
money if required. (I was not having
even the Rs.2000/-, as I was bankrupt by then. The mother of Venkateswara Rao
lent me the money again. I do not remember if I repaid them or not).
So far, it went well. One
morning, my brother called me and told that the gentleman is demanding a silver
plate and a glass, which would have cost Rs.8000/- those days. The ball was
back in square one. I did not blink or think. I told him to take one of the
silver plates and one of the glasses to a gold shop and remodel it without
investing much as extra cost. We were too young and my brother was , by nature
not so courageous. I told him to approach our maternal uncle and take his help.
With his help the old plate and glass were exchanged for new ones. An issue was
solved.
Again, my brother called. The
gentleman is demanding marriage in Guntur. It would have cost our lives to
perform a marriage in a hall in Guntur. Then my second sister-in-law came to
our rescue. Her sister was owning a palace-like building in Guntur. There was
an outhouse too. She magnanimously offered her palace to us and said she would
sdjust in the outhouse. It was a great relief. There was a large terrace. There
was enough open space in front of the house. My brother , mother and sisters
went there early and made all required purchases and other arrangements. I
reached only one day earlier. We performed the marriage in a way the Tahsildar
was very impressed. I was not allowed to be the near the marriage Mandap. The Tahsildar made me sit with him and went
on relaying how he earned so much money, how he loved his wife, how she stood
by him in summer and winter of life, about his children and what not. He
praised me and my younger brother in the most loving words. He said that being
children we could not perform the marriage so graciously. After marriage , time
came for lunch. We invited them for lunch. I feel proud for me and my brother
that the Tahsildar insisted that both of us should eat first. He said they were
not our guests but both of us were their guests. At that age, getting accolades
from a man of our father’s age (if he were living) was like honoring us with
gold chariot. After my sister went to their house, he wrote me a very
affectionate letter praising me the way I brought up my sister.
I had to write all this
because a month back, in a family What App group, our brother-in-law boasted
that his father did not insist on dowry those days and applauding his courtesy.
A doubt may be raised as to
why such purely personal and family matters should find a place in a story of
my travels and travails in life. There is a reason. It shows how people us when
needed and throw us away like garbage once they settle into their lives. Until
my sister got married, I looked after her as the most important part of my
body, the eyes. Even after her marriage I was constantly looking after her
needs and I was in constant contact with her.
During my absence, my younger
brother took the responsibility of her needs. I quote a few incidents that
showed their character and my commitment to their welfare.
During 1979, my sister
conceived for the first child. I was in Davangere. My wife was too carrying our
second child. After my brother brought my sister home for delivery, I sent my
wife for assistance. The delivery had gone bad and she gave birth to a deaf and
dumb child. My wife breast-fed her to see she remains healthy.
When I was in Davangere only,
I purchased a gas connection for them. It was easy there as I was in a Bank and
demand there was less. In Hyderabad, it was taking three to four years to get
connection. The minimum period for the new connection to be transferred to a
new place was six months. During those six months , I was constantly being
pressurized to send my connection papers to them. I found it funny. Why should
I send my gas connection papers and keep connection in their name and suffer
life-long. Even today, both of them blame me that I misused their money. Just
imagine how I feel in such circumstances. I ket quiet because I knew the truth.
As long as I was away, she was not visiting my brother as he was not in the
habit of doling out money. After I returned back in 1982, she made it a habit
to visit us saying she wanted to see her mother. And every fortnight, she was
demanding and taking Rupees Hundred for travel by auto.
During the period 1982-85 ( I
can not recollect the exact year), my brother-in-law got a transfer to
Hyderabad, citing the disability of his daughter as a reason. It was most
shameful to resort to such tactics. And he continued in Hyderabad throughout his
career with the same plea. That is their character. I am in no way concerned.
But when he got transferred to Hyderabad, he asked his father to let out a
portion of the house he owned. His father quoted a rental value. Our
brother-in-law said that with his salary, he could not pay such a high rent.
His father asked him to search for another accommodation. What did he do ? He
brought his family of two elders and two children to our house. I was having
three children by then. He stayed for two full months without paying a single
rupee towards expenses. Very recently, one of my children said that I was
feeding my sister’s children with whole milk and when their turn came I was
asking my wife to add water. With one income, I managed two families. They
forgot.
In 1995, when I lost my job
without a penny (and being most dishonest) , I had to beg for alms. My younger
brother and sister helped with little amounts, very less compared to what I
contributed to see them settle in life. Those days my elder brother-in-law was
regularly calling me to show his nnewly painted house, unconcerned about my
plight. One day, I went. I did not enter their Bungalow. My sister who was
sitting there said “Sorry! Chandra! We want to help you ! But we are totally bankrupt>” , If I
said the same words when they came to my house as they had no shelter, where
would have they gone? All in the game!!!
From then on, the family moved
away from me and started amusing the rich brothers. It is okay. These brothers
who never bothered about their empty stomachs after my daughter’s death started
gifting them liberally. It is okay. It is not my botheration.
During 2008-09 , my mother
pleaded with my wife that she would stay with us only and die in our hands. I
mentioned this in some other part. During her stay with us my daughter
requested my mother to stay with them a week. She went. After four days, my mother
called me and said she could not stay there and asked me to bring her back.
What she told amaged me. During these four days, they did not buy vegetables.
They did not make dal. She was fed pickles and buttermilk. Moreover, every day
my brother-in-law was asking her for dowry dues. His grouse was that he was not
given enough dowry at the time of marriage and as my brothers were all settled
well, not me, he should be paid the balance with interest which ran into lakhs.
Both my sister and her husband were fighting with her. She could not bear the
torture.
My mother was attacked by
paralysis , lost her right limbs and voice and the neurologist who treated her
gave her a life of six months at the most. During this period, our brothers and
sisters visited her rarely and none of them touched her with their fingers
even. One afternoon, she reached her Heavenly Abode. I called everyone except
my third brother, who went on a pleasure trip to China without informing us and
without even seeing our mother’s condition. My eldest brother asked me to burn
her body. He said, “What difference does it make that the younger son lights
her pyre? You go ahead”. My second brother refused to come by flight, saying he
is not a millionaire. The third one was beyond the oceans. So, the probability
of the three elder sons of my mother for at least two days was remote.
As I was living in an
apartment complex, there was constant pressure and nagging from the other
apartments to take the body to the crematorium. I had no option. There is a reason
why the others pressured me. Some ladies have a fear of dead bodies. If a dead
body is kept in one of the flats, there is a possibility of these ladies
turning mentally unstable. The other reason is that when a dead body is kept in
the flats, occupants of other flats do not cook their food until the body is taken
away. Already, I have spent more than a lakh and a half of my son’s money on
the recuperation attempt of my sick mother. I was left with barely enough funds
to cremate her as per Hindu rituals. So, the idea of keeping her body in a
mortuary did not arise. The younger brother, two younger sisters, and their
families came. The priest has been performing all rituals at our home for a long
period. So, we decided to take the body to the crematorium.
Then, my first brother-in-law,
who, a month back, fought with my mother demanding additional dowry with
interest, objected. This was what he said. “I will not allow my mother-in-law,
who lived like a queen, to be cremated like an orphan.” I asked him, “Then why
did you not take her to your house when she was sick? Even now, why don’t you shift her to your
house, to my younger brother’s house or to my younger sister’s house? He said,
as per the Hindu Shastras we should not shift the body from the place of death.
I knew that none of them would be willing to keep the dead body of own mother
in his/her house. Then I said the cremation process will proceed. I asked the
priest if it is true that in case of mother’s passing away, the youngest of her
children should perform all the funeral rites.
He clarified that the eldest of those present has a right as per
Brahminical traditions and so, I should cremate her. My elder brother-in-law
said he would not lift the body. My younger brother-in-law parroted his words.
I understood they were living in fools’ hell. I called our building watchman
and told him to call four of his friends to lift the body of my mother. My
elder brother-in-law said people of other castes are not permitted to lift the cadaver
of a Brahmin. I asked the priest what his opinion was. He clarified that if no
one from Brahmin caste is available, anyone can lift the body and he had no
objection from outsiders lifting the body. Then, my brothers-in-law realized their
writ would not run with me. They accepted to lift the body. I performed the
funeral rites and cremated my mother’s body. That way, I fulfilled her long-term
wish that she would die in my hands. Her Soul must have been satisfied that the
son who took over responsibility of the family after her husband’s death
lighted her funeral pyre. And the satisfaction I received from the sacred act
will remain with me till my mortal remains are consumed by the five elements.
The above narrative looks
extraneous to the story of my life. As I said earlier, certain repeated
allegations about our actions, if not answered, remain as truth. I replied to
every point raised by my envious third brother in the following post.
Sudhakara Rao Neelamraju
May 18 ·
It is true that I did not come
to Hyderabad asI was in Shaghai.Atleast whether you waited till your elders to
come.Do you remember that the utterences you made in front of the public and
Purohit. You already killed when she was alive. What makes you to burn the pyre
when the younger brother was thre. Are you proud of the actions. "You
don't havr thr patience to wait till the elder sister of your wife to get
marry."You ruinrd her life also..For all five brothers and sisters there
is only one mother. We can can not cut in to her pieces. It it is her wish to
stay back with you for reasons well knowno you. (Verbatim. No corrections made.
sic.)
This was written by a man who
worked as a bank manager . You can judge him by the number of mistakes in his
post, either grammatical or spelling. He failed to come and see his dying
mother before leaving to China. He felt ashamed of himself. Then he asked me
why I did not keep the body till the elders came. In another post, he charged me
with murdering my mother. Here, he is indirectly saying, I disposed of the body
to hide my crime. I answered his doubt, though he never answered why he left
the country, knowing fully well his mother was on bed. Regarding what I said
and why said anything with my priest , I explained in detail the background.
Regarding my lighting the pyre when the younger brother was there , I already
said it was done as per the directions of our priest. Regarding my marriage
before her elder sister was married, it is none of his business but I already
clarified the circumstances. One day he has to answer to his allegation how I
spoiled anybody’s life. To hide his lies , inferiority complex and envy that
had been eating his brain, he goes on talking nonsense. May God give him some
sense. In the same manner, out of jealousy towards his son’s in-laws, he
distanced his son for four years. Finally when the boy got a deputation to US, and
the passport was with his father , he came home. And this idiotic person said
he hid the passport of his son because he knows one day his son requires. His
character is so amoral, shameless and moronic. Except that he is two year older
than me, he deserves to be dumped as underving to be a member of the family of
my parents.
