The Churning of Ocean of Life V th part - The biggest ladder and the largest snake

CHAPTER 6

In this part I am attempting a new methodology. I am translating the blog simultaneously to make it more readable. English first and Telugu to follow.

 

#Experience is a wonderful phenomenon. It can be a refuge; it can be refused. It can be an excuse; it can always be reused.

“Being famous does not make you an intellectual by default, and not being famous does not make you stupid by default.”

Nikhil D

@vanichandra2010 I read your blog, Sir. Will there be an answer to the question, “How can we counter this so that youthful arrogance may not make one oblivious?”

 

@vanichandra2010 One which I think is always respecting elders and not dismissing elders' advice.

An erudite scholar tweeted thus. He read all the parts of my blogs totally. There is criticism/advice in this, a question mark on my life, advice and two rules to lead a happy life. That is why I treated him as erudite.

These questions will be answered in future parts . I will explain it to the end of the story. @nikhil D is his name. I bow to him. I bow in respect, though he is young.

 

A runaway officer advised me thus.

@vanichandra210 These problems are common in banking jobs. But, in my view, some of what you did could not be acceptable. I was also a bank manager who took VRS."

( It seems his knowledge of banking is limited to debits and credits, and he does not have knowledge either subject-wise or managing people. I am no authority to comment on his wisdom, but I had a duty to show him in a mirror)

This is what a voluntarily retired Bank Branch Manager tweeted to me. I thank him very much for the comment. But I never supported my actions in the fourth part. I only said that for the first eight transactions, there were specific reasons. And I was ashamed and am not guilty of the last two transactions. I also mentioned not to judge until they went through the whole story. If I wanted to support my own actions, I could have come out like a polished gem if only I had surrendered my self-respect, and I cleaned the shoes of the Trade Union leaders or the executives, many of whom had great regard for me. I, too would have retired happily. I would not have needed to quit my job voluntarily. That was not my character nor spirit. 


In the first part itself, I mentioned that there is a very thin line between honesty and dishonesty and between the good, the bad and the ugly.  People this side of the line are considered good/honest, and on the other side are bad/dishonest. If that were true, Bheeshma, Drona, Kripa, Aswathaama and Karna should be considered bad. Dharma is the same for all Yugas.

 

If he gives a clean chit to all those who have retired from his bank, who were spotless and never committed any fraud (I did not commit fraud), I can quote at least ten such names who amassed wealth by dubious means and their illegally acquired assets. After I told them what I did was not correct and was told again what I did was wrong, it did not carry meaning. That means he did not read it fully. Just like his job, he voluntarily withdrew from reading. 

Why do people opt for voluntary retirement?

1. Being unable to update their knowledge and technological skills with changing times and being unable to compete with young blood.

2. Being unable to bear pressure from higher-ups.

3. Being unable to control the staff working under them.

4. With an intention to join another institution, while enjoying full retirement benefits in the bank too. (By keeping both in the dark and committing a double crime). Soon, I will quote one such case in our family.

5. Due to ill health.

There is a story about Khadga Tikkana, who ran away from the battlefield. While arranging for his bath, his wife keeps oil, turmeric powder, and bath powder used by ladies in those days. Thus, she sends a message to him that his escape from the battlefield represented the female nature in him, timidity. What is the difference between those who took VRS and ran away, enjoying full pension benefits and this timid warrior?

Except for the fifth reason, ill-health, all others can be regarded as "corrupt acts" if the word is literally understood. Even incapacity to work under pressure is corruption of a sort. (Because they enjoy taxpayers' money without working) When our officers' union was fighting with management, for voluntary retirement, I wrote a column in a business magazine on this issue. To this, one reputed leader of the union from Kanpur meekly replied, "Because he lost his job, he is resorting to mudslinging. He dodged my questions. This is the kind of sermon we have to hear in the world of fakery. Nothing wrong with one person claiming he is good. God bless his goodness. If I wanted to say that I am highly moralistic, I would not have written this. Hope this fact is well understood.

I think the prologue is, in itself, lengthy. After you read my entire story, please express your views without hesitation. I will clarify. Do not abuse me.

 

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Now, we shall go back to the main story. " Just like the precious pearl is hidden deep under the waters of the ocean, pleasure remains hidden under deep sorrow. Nothing comes on its own your way. You have to search and find it" said one poet. In the journey of my life, need for this song arose many a time. I fell. I rose like a phoenix. I again fell. I again raised. I searched. I found the pearl of happiness. I opposed orthodoxy, I opposed caste and region-based favouritism, I opposed regional disparities, I opposed revenge politics in service, and I opposed fraud by truant executives. I made people stutter when talking to me. That became a curse for me. Backstabbing increased. Now, I have a CC camera in my back too. I review my daily activity. I talk to my wife without any mala fide. How happy am I now in life? 

 

Let us go back in time. In the last year of college life, there are not many important incidents. The separate Andhra movement, due to its impact the postponement of examinations, me and a few going into the examination hall defying the agitation, lot of disturbances outside, cancellation of examinations and sending us out, police firing in our town, till the minute police ordered "fire" me and friends staying there only, then running for our lives, bullet sounds behind our backs, 24 deaths, lot of commotion near government hospital, police firing in Vijayawada simultaneously, death of one minister due to heart attack, sudden drop in agitations, compromises politically! How many incidents in four or five months? Studies suffered a lot. Examinations were held in August. The results got delayed.

 

But, during the final year of my degree, another chance came in my life. LIC of India, Hyderabad Division, announced recruitment for 150 clerical vacancies, all in the Telangana Districts, including Hyderabad. Me and our third brother applied. We got call letters. My examinations were not complete as agitation was going on a small scale. My brother graduated in April 1972 and was waiting for a break. Both of us went to Hyderabad.  We stayed in my elder brother's home and slept in my uncle’s home at night. I cannot recall how it happened, we thought the examination was at 10 AM, as usually, all tests start at 10.00 AM. We started from home leisurely. The examination was in Grammar or All Saints' High School in the Abids area. There were an estimated 10,000 candidates for the examination. By the time we went, the area was unmanned. Then we saw call letters. It was at 9 AM. We ran, ran and ran. By the time I searched the room and went there, it was 9.28 AM. The invigilator was very angry. "Another 2 minutes (not Maggie), I would have been forced to refuse entry", he shouted. I do not know what happened in my brother's case. He was in the other room. The invigilator gave me the answer paper. I was breathing heavily. I was sweating profusely. I remembered my parents, who were waiting for both of us to succeed. For once, the land under my feet crumbled. But I never gave up so easily. Giving up was never in my blood.

After a few minutes, the invigilator gave me a glass of water and handed me the question paper. He pacified me and told me;" Now, both of us know you cannot pass the test. You lost more than half an hour. Rest for 15 minutes and then start writing. In the meantime, fill in the required information on the answer sheet and go through the question paper and decide which question you can answer better.” I rested and started after 10 minutes. I used to write with extreme speed. That was my special skill then, and it is now. In my second-year English examination, I wrote forty two full-script papers ,in the three hours allocated.  I increased my speed and completed the whole paper in time. While handing over the paper, the invigilator asked, "Did you complete the paper?" I said that I not only completed but also answered all questions correctly.  Afternoon it was a mathematics test. I answered all the questions, but two answers were wrong. 

We returned home. When we told our father about what had happened, he got totally depressed. I told him confidently that I would pass. "He is just boasting. How can he pass when he started it 45 minutes late?" my third brother mocked me. Others joined. My parents supported me. They told them that I had the capacity. It gave rise to more jealousy. Now, even after I suffered so much in life, his jealousy did not come down. Looking back, I feel that he would want me to beg on the streets because I was a little more intelligent than he. I think some people do not change, nor do they wish to change. He is such a one. I passed the examination. He failed. My self-confidence remains the same. And it will not go until I die. When I want to say something, I say it without mincing words. I hope you observed. In the future, you will observe too.

Then the unexpected happened. The written test was held in April 1973. May passed, June passed, July passed, August passed, September passed, and October passed. But I did not get an interview letter from the LIC of India.  As the separate Andhra agitation subsided after some political compromises, final-year examinations were held. In August, results were declared. I got good marks but could not score as much as I expected due to the internal and external disturbances. I became a laughing stock in my own house. Brothers and sisters were equally mocking me for being an egotist. My father did not lose hope. He was awaiting a miracle. After the results were out and I did not get an interview call, I asked my father if I could pursue my favourite subject, English, in post-graduation. He was skeptical. Post graduation subject was taught in Vizag and Guntur only those days. He said it would be beyond the means of the family to bear the hostel expenses. I convinced him that I would travel daily to Guntur and carry food. Reluctantly he agreed.

With the backing of a scholarship, I got admitted to the MA (English) course at the PG Centre, Nallapadu, near Guntur. I funnily got this seat. That year, Andhra University decided to allot MA (English) seats only to BA (English) students, as many B.Sc., and B.Com. Students were leaving in the middle, after getting jobs. Initially, I was not given admission. I met the principal and showed him my marks. I passionately told him that English literature was the dream of my life. I  requested him to consider a seat for me. He said he would seek permission from the University Authorities, and true to his word, he got the go-ahead.  I got a special sanction from Andhra University for admission. I shuttled by train for two months. All the time, I was still hoping I would get an interview call.

 

And finally, the miracle happened. In the first week of November, 1973, I got a call to attend an interview in Hyderabad. My father was exuberant. But an interview is not an assurance of a job. My third brother wholeheartedly wished I should fail in the interview and said so. “Who will give him a job? There must be many others who are cleverer than him. He can not speak a word of English. ( I was very fluent in English by then, after I had joined ABVP and Rotaract Club. He also mocked my slender physique and my hunchback.)

 

The interview was scheduled for the 15^th of November, 1973, in the Divisional Office, Hyderabad. This time, envy did not accompany me.  

There were three in the panel of interviewers.  The Personnel Manager was one of them. He was a very nice officer. Later, I came to know. The same story as in BOI is repeated. After I wished them, they were surprised to see my physique. " You want a job? You look like a schoolboy. You got good scores. Even your written test marks are among the top. Why don't you study further and get a better job?" The same refrain. From me, the same answer.

“We are very poor, Sir. If I get a job we can come out of a very difficult situation, Sir” My courage and conviction were strong. I told the truth. A truth for which there was no response from them.

The questions started flowing with speed. I answered all correctly without even winking. Final question: "What is your main hobby?" Personnel Manager asked.

“Reading books, Sir.’

“All” I said.

If we see your marks lists, I feel you do not have time to read class books. How can you read general books? OK. What was the last fiction book you read and who is the hero in that?"

“Razor’s Edge?”

“What is about and who wrote it?”

“Rudyard Clipping Sir” and I went on telling the story.

Personal Manager asked “ With whom do you sleep, mother or father?

“I did not get your point, Sir”

“You are so young and looking like a boy. I was just thinking” he said.

Then the Personal Manager became serious. “You may be thinking you will get posted in Hyderabad city. Only top scorers in the written test will get that chance. You might be posted to Karimnagar, Warangal, Adilabad, Nizamabad etc., where naxalism is on the rise. By the way, did you ever live away from your parents? “

I said, “No, Sir”

“But if we post you away from Hyderabad, I fear you will be afraid and resign the job. Another candidate loses his chance.”

“My father is a retired doctor, Sir. He is in private practice in our town. I will bring my family with me, look after my siblings and my father can do private practice in my place of posting.” I was emotionally saying. What a distressful condition drove me to blabber like that, only I knew. I always had my father’s plight in mind. “I will make him King Like again “What an impossible dream? I was telling this to the very people who could shatter my dream if they wanted. From Prince to pauper, my life taught me one lesson, Come what may, fight your way forward.

“So, you decided we gave you the job”, said another interviewer.

The Personal Manager laughed, “Peculiar”, he said.

My speed increased. “Yes, Sir. I will get this job. If I do not get this job, no one else will get it” I said, and my heart started pounding. “What did I say? I may be confident, but I should not be arrogant. I decided the job slipped out of hand.

The three exchanged their notes. The personal Manager said “ During my entire career, I never saw a boy so confidently giving himself a job. I am sure you will bring laurels to LIC. We should not declare the result. But, I am deviating from the rule. We gave you the job and you would be posted to Hyderabad. Your father must be very proud of you. Prepare him to start practice here. Good Luck, my boy. You are of your kind.”

Surprisingly, all three officers stood up and shook my hand affectionately. I saw my uncle in each of them. I got the job. But my father could not relish the moment for more than a week.

( I was told that out of ten thousand job aspirants, three hundred top scorers were called for an interview. Later, I became a proud father when my daughter got selected for an IT job in the second-best company. She was the only one among more than ten thousand applicants, passed through ten layers from 10 in the morning till 10 at night, and she was offered the best package. And note, she was the only one selected).

I came back and told my father that I was told I was selected. "He is boasting. How can any one reveal that they will give appointment in the interview itself? We shall see when he gets. Our third and fifth brother mocked me. "OK. Forget and concentrate on your degree" my father advised.

“

I continued attending the classes in M.A. in Guntur as usual. I did not get a job offer letter in November.  

Sometimes, our thoughtless and arrogant acts land us in trouble. The biggest blow in my life was not any external factor, though contributions from external sources were not to be underestimated; the main reason for my steep fall was my own thoughtless actions and my arrogance.

The first such incident happened on 2^nd December 1973. My friend, Aramandla , was doing his articles for CA in Guntur then. I asked him to come to Guntur Railway Station to purchase a season ticket to and from Tenali and Guntur. There was a lengthy queue at the season ticket counter. Normally, it should not have been. When the clerk came to the counter, we peeped through the side and told our purpose. He said he was allotted the counter for the Guntur Repalle train as the concerned clerk was on leave, and he asked us to wait till the crowd was dispersed. We approached him after the crowd thinned. He said it was five o’clock, his time was over and still he was left with the reconciliation work.

“What does a mild and studious student do in such circumstances? He would have walked away silently and come back next day. What did I do ? I questioned his propriety of asking us to wait when he knew he was going to be engaged till 5.00 pm. So logic and propriety demanded that he should spend fifteen minutes more ans issue my season ticket.  He flatly refused. I persisted. He closed the ticket window. I went on demanding from the above till his patience exhausted. Finally he said, “Do what the hell you want to do”. That was enough. I purchased two platform tickets and went to the Station Master’s office. He was roaming on t washe platform. A six foot tall man and a heavyweight champion, he looking grave. I approached him and said I wanted to make a written complaint. He was first amused to see my tiny figure, my poor man;s dress, my flow of language and my determination. He was very cool . an opposite of what he looked like. He asked, “What is the matter?” I explained. Suddenly his face turned into a fire ball. “ Did he refuse? How dare he subject students to such insult. Does he think he receives salary to insult students? “ he went on talking and walking towards the counter. Looking at him the clerk started shivering. The SM said “I am standing here. Issue the season ticket to this boy. Do you know that this little fellow is a University rank holder and pursuing M.A. in English literature? Now, come on!” And pat the books opened, the season ticket was written , original was given to me “ I thanked the Station Master and he said I liked your guts and your determination. Your parents are blessed. Good Luck. Never look back. Achieve what you want, little fellow!” he patted me and sent me out of the exit.

 

 

I spent Rs.43/- at a time of great financial difficulties. I told my father about my adventure. He felt happy that I had outgrown my age.

Then, the unthinkable happened.

3rd December the college was not open, so I stayed back home. Our beloved Post Man, Anada Rao shouted post and threw an ordinary letter from LIC of India in my name. " If I was rejected only they would inform by ordinary post. Appointment orders usually come by Registered Post" My hands shivered while opening the cover. My parents were taking lunch in the kitchen. When I opened, my surprise knew no bounds. " I got a job!" I shouted and danced. My father never used to express emotions. "OK, OK. Don't get excited. Pray God! I knew you would get it"  he said. My salary was Rs.322.50, a salary that state government employees used to draw after a decade or two of service. I immediately took the cycle and told my parents, I would inform parents of Venkateswara Rao. I was there in minutes. She wiped her tears. She was crying out of joy. She removed the bad omens by doing some ritual. She gave sugar and sweet. " Be cool! Help your parents." she again cried. This wife of a Choudary was my second mother. Yashodamma. "Mother! wherever you are your blessings that made me a tough man to withstand ups and downs in life and brought me here. I pray you would be in the Heaven. Might be I will be in the other place" Back home, my sisters, who were my two eyes, asked me. "What will you do with first salary?". Pat came the reply. "I will buy all kinds of available mangoes in India and feed you both, so that neighbors cry.( The background is our house owners used to get baskets of mangoes and were mocking our poverty. My sisters used to always cry for mangoes. But now, my two eyes lost sight. Left eye got hole in retina, right one suffered Bells' Palsy. So too my sisters. They made two big gaping holes in my life.( In later parts) I too was too young and tender in age! I cried copiously that day in front of them. They forgot. I never. Am I too emotional?  

I should join on 10th December, 1973. I think on 8th December, it was my second brother's marriage. I had new clothes, as I purchased two pairs in my last scholarship amount. I also bought two polyester shirts for my father. In his life, it was the first time he got polyester shirts. I still remember him proudly walking on the streets of our town, wearing it. After many years, I took my parents to one picture, "Sri Krishna Satya" in Swarajya Talkies. My father said, "It was an idiotic film" All this happened before I got orders. I remember that my plan was to go to Guntur for the marriage on the 8th, leave for Hyderabad from there. My friend reserved the ticket. It was a red bus. My seat number was 44. He felt bad, I got last seat. After I went to bus stand, he did not turn up for long. I was worried,. Finally, when the bus was about to start he came, pushed a sweater into the window and "It is very cool in Hyderabad. My mother gave Rs.50/- to buy you a sweater. This is Rs.48/-. It took time to select the right size. He ran after the bus crying, "Take care, take care, take care" Are tears not flowing in your eyes? Are there still people like him in this world? Rare.

I joined the job. By the third day there was a letter from mother. " Lakshmana Rao uncle said that you were under- weight and that LIC was strict on that and that they would cancel your orders. Father is totally depressed." He is a cousin to my mother and an insurance agent.

All selected candidates were sent for medical examination. My Doctor was staying in Adarsh Nagar. He tested my height, weight, other vitals. He also tested my eyes. I asked him without hesitation and innocently. "Shall I lose my job because I am underweight?" He was from North, an old man above 60. "Who told you?" he asked. I told him the episode. "You write to your mother now itself that this Doctor gave you back the job." he affectionately said, hugged me and told "I am writing your original weight only. You are underweight but healthy"

Why is this called churning? There is reason. Medical reports of all recruits were received. About five candidates were sent away. All reports came except mine. I was shocked. It did not come the next day, the next and next day. I did not sleep all these days. I was seeing ghost of my uncle and my mother crying. They were four horrible days in my life. Why should this happen to me? When the medial fitness was cleared why was there so much delay in my case. They misplaced my urine report. Finally they traced it and sent it. What kind of tension I could have undergone?Thai why I called it churning , poison oozing wfrequently.

It was a training of 15 days. On 24th December my uncle Sri Penumaka Ramachandra Rao Garu came to my office. He went into personnel manager's room. I was called from my seat in Surrenders Section. My uncle was in tears. "If you can not control your emotions, how can the child bear?" the personnel manager asked him. My legs started trembling. "Your father got admitted to hospital with paralysis on 10th December, (the day I joined my office.) Nothing serious. Go and see him and come back. I will you only a day's leave." Immediately I sat on the floor and started crying loudly. All the staff gathered, I remember. They sent me home. We got a night bus and reached the hospital in the morning. As I was entering the Kotta Ravindra Babuu hspital, my younger brother came running and told me that Doctor said father won't live and our elder brother stopped buying medicines. ("Why does a man dying today or tomorrow need medicine? It is wasting money. " were the exact words that my younger one told me as having been said by the eldest) Borrow some money and bring. The Kirana Shop owner stopped giving items on credit. There is not much rice left in the house. He is refusing to take any kind of responsibility"  Are you able to believe? No? That is the truth of the matter. Today, all may refuse that it happened like that. They may revolt on me. Truth will not die. Today, as they have money, they want family prestige. What happened to it behind four walls, when we all were poor? 

I immediately rushed to the house of Venkateswara Rao.(He was in Guntur), by handing over the brief case to him. )I was loving my younger brother so much. He sacrificed a lot in his life. I could not bear him crying. I did not go to meet my father too.)  We were indebted a lot to them by that time. There were no promissory notes. She cried. "Why has this happened like this? Does your father have no luck to eat from your earnings?" I told her the entire episode. Immediately she gave me Rs.500/- Do you believe? Rs.500/- in 1973? It was almost my two months' salary. Just for me, for the satisfaction of her son and for his happiness.  We paid back the credit in Reddy shop. He was sad too. "Mine is also a small shop, Babu. That is why I could not extend credit." I told him my job and salary and asked him never to refuse credit to my brother. We purchased medicines and met the Doctor. He asked me why again we changed mind and he said he won't live. I asked him to give medicines till he lived. He did so.

 

Change is law of  life.

 

 

 

After this I met father in sick bed. He was still stammering  a little. He asked me to sit alone on his bed, took my hand in his (one hand was effected) and stammered slowly. " With this right hand I used your scholarship amount. I could not make you an engineer.  May be God punished me like this making the hand numb" Those were almost the last words I heard from him.

 

Same day I returned to Hyderabad. My first leave on Loss Of Pay. The biggest snake in my life cursed me from which I could not recover fully even now. Had he lived, my life would have taken a turn for the better. But my wife fulfilled his job almost 99%, friend, philosopher, adviser, controller and Goddess. That 1% of deficit is that I could not serve him for what he did to me.

day I returned to Hyderabad. My first leave on Loss Of Pay. The biggest snake in my life cursed me from which I could not recover fully even now. Had he lived, my life would have taken a turn for the better. But my wife fulfilled his job almost 99%, friend, philosopher, adviser, controller and Goddess. That 1% of deficit is that I could not serve him for what he did to me.

What you read till now is about me. Now, the real story starts. Please be reading.

 

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