Always have the situation under control, even if losing. Never betray an inward sense of defeat.

 

 

Part 12

 

THE CHURNING OF THE OF OCEAN OF MY LIFE - MY OWN 

 

STORY PART 12 - GAME OF LADDERS AND SNAKES 

 

BEGINS IN RIGHT EARNEST- SNAKE II

                                     

 

THE CHURNING OF THE OCEAN OF MY LIFE – PART 12

 

BACK TO FAMILY PRESSURES – OUTSIDE INFLUENCES AND ENVY RULES THE ROOST - LIFE GOES IN THE SAME DIRECTION- BLAME FOR FAULTS OF OTHERS FALLS ON ME

 

                                       *************************************

 

I shall go back a little and turn my attention to the family affairs. As usual, my third brother's envy has been constantly haunting me, with one blame or another directed at me. My success in resolving the issue of our father’s pension and the publicity given to my resourcefulness in getting the impossible work done only added to his envy. 

My elder sister showed little interest in her studies. Her concentration was on making friends with both genders. On a Saturday, I was returning from the office. She was walking on the road very close to a boy. I stopped them and asked the boy to leave. I asked for details about him. She said he was a Christian boy who was in love with her, and she was discussing about attending his birthday party. I was very angry and told her that she had to complete her graduation before she thought about love and marriage. She said she was not interested in studies. The blame game started. I pampered her too much. I was solely responsible for her abrasive and wayward behaviour. I did not understand. I only showed her fatherly love as she lost her father at a very early age. It was true I pampered her and spent huge amounts of money to keep her happy and to see that she forgets the loss of a parent at a tender age. What was my fault. I suffered a lot at the hands of my elder brother and his family. I did not want a repeat of that.

True to speak, I was a bit sensitive to feminine feelings. In the process, I bought a chain, spending Rupees One Hundred those days to a girl. She was a friend of my sister. She showed it to her and told her I bought it. My sister told the news at home. I do not remember why. At that time, both my second and third brothers were at home. They started beating me. I ran away from home. My mother chided them for blaming me for that. She also chided me for going after girls. My brothers declared that I was responsible for all the ills at home. I asked them to take the whole family to their places. I had no objection. That silenced them. Later, I married a girl of my choice. Again, my third brother started an issue in front of my wife why I did not wait till my elder sister was married. I had my reasons for hurrying through the marriage in a Registrar’s Office. I asked him why he could not wait. He was silent. So, even before I left for Bellary, an informal decision was made that my sister should be married as early as possible.

 

It was not difficult. If we go back to the days when we stayed in Tenali an unexpected incident took place. Unable to face harassment by our landlord, we decided to search for a new place on lease. Through some sources. Someone told us that a portion of a house near Venkateswara Theatre was vacant. I accompanied my mother to see the place. We saw the place. The rent quoted was very high. Then, the landlady came to talk to my mother. An unexpected event took place. My mother and the landlady saw each other for few minutes. They did not say a word. After few minutes, they hugged each other and started crying. “You are so and so; you are so and so”. I was a mute spectator. Later it came out that they were best friends as children. Her husband was a Dy. Tahsildar in Tenali. He earned a lot, as it is usual with Revenue Department officials. He had six boys and two girls. The story did not stop there. After we came to Hyderabad, she saw my elder sister, it seems.  Immediately, she proposed a marriage between their fourth son and my sister.  My mother was elated. She never dreamed of sending my sister to such a rich family, and the bboy’s mother was her best friend. She immediately gave her consent.

 

Now, why did such rich family opt for a poor girl like my sister? My sister was very pretty; there is no doubt. But beauty does not provide money. The Tahsildar, (he became Tahsildar before retirement was, by nature a miser and the two objects of his love are his wife and money. We have his wife on our side but we do not have money. When the mother of the boy told her husband about the girl , he immediately objected. “They cannot give dowry”. Outside my son gets huge amount of dowry. After marriage, the brothers will not be able to provide him with gifts, as it is an obligation “. The boy’s mother insisted. He was caught between his love for his wife and his love for money.  His wife insisted. Then he accepted on one condition. The condition is that we should give the dowry, as demanded by him. The three elder brothers of mine took dowry of Rs.5000 to 5500. We were prepared to spend the same amount as dowry for my sister. It is not appropriate to talk of the personality, age and other aspects of the boy. After all, I married one of the prettiest girls. He was working in a rural railway station, as station master. He was not a graduate. After both the boy and girl saw each other and agreed to marry, the real picture came out.

My brothers were not satisfied with sending our sister to a rural place. But my sister was ready. She was in a hurry to marry. It is not her fault. Fault partly lies with me. If I were not married, she would have waited. She would not have waited for long, anyhow. She decided to discontinue studying. I came to our place for only one day. That was the day the formal meeting of the boy and girl was to take place. As I had no leave, I rushed back to Bellary. My brother was working in the Telecommunications Department. As it was free he remained in constant contact with me. My elder brothers should know why he was in contact with me and not with them. The reason was simple. I was committed to my family. My family members were attached to me. They knew I was the only person who could make things happen.

 

So, the negotiations started. My brother and my mother only negotiated with that gentleman. My brother was going to Guntur to meet the retired Revenue Department official. He demanded a heavy amount. And my brother informed me. I said it was not possible. My mother was pestering. After days of negotiations, his demand increased as my brother-in-law got selected as clerk in a Bank. After a lot of to and fro, I finally gave a go-ahead for Rs.8000/-, in cash as dowry besides some other demands. My younger brother was worried. I told him that he could contact the other brothers and each of us would contribute Rs.2000/- each. That would be Rs.10000/-. We had a fixed deposit of about Rs.4,500/- , the amount of arrears of the pension and PF of my father. I promised him that I would borrow more money if required.  (I was not having even the Rs.2000/-, as I was bankrupt by then. The mother of Venkateswara Rao lent me the money again. I do not remember if I repaid them or not).

 

So far, it went well. One morning, my brother called me and told that the gentleman is demanding a silver plate and a glass, which would have cost Rs.8000/- those days. The ball was back in square one. I did not blink or think. I told him to take one of the silver plates and one of the glasses to a gold shop and remodel it without investing much as extra cost. We were too young and my brother was , by nature not so courageous. I told him to approach our maternal uncle and take his help. With his help the old plate and glass were exchanged for new ones. An issue was solved.

 

Always have the situation under control, even if losing. Never betray an inward sense of defeat.

 

 

Part 12

 

THE CHURNING OF THE OF OCEAN OF MY LIFE - MY OWN 

 

STORY PART 12 - GAME OF LADDERS AND SNAKES 

 

BEGINS IN RIGHT EARNEST- SNAKE II

                                     

 

THE CHURNING OF THE OCEAN OF MY LIFE – PART 12

 

BACK TO FAMILY PRESSURES – OUTSIDE INFLUENCES AND ENVY RULES THE ROOST - LIFE GOES IN THE SAME DIRECTION- BLAME FOR FAULTS OF OTHERS FALLS ON ME

 

 

                                       *************************************

 

I shall go back a little and turn my attention to the family affairs. As usual, my third brother's envy has been constantly haunting me, with one blame or another directed at me. My success in resolving the issue of our father’s pension and the publicity given to my resourcefulness in getting the impossible work done only added to his envy. 

My elder sister showed little interest in her studies. Her concentration was on making friends with both genders. On a Saturday, I was returning from the office. She was walking on the road very close to a boy. I stopped them and asked the boy to leave. I asked for details about him. She said he was a Christian boy who was in love with her, and she was discussing about attending his birthday party. I was very angry and told her that she had to complete her graduation before she thought about love and marriage. She said she was not interested in studies. The blame game started. I pampered her too much. I was solely responsible for her abrasive and wayward behaviour. I did not understand. I only showed her fatherly love as she lost her father at a very early age. It was true I pampered her and spent huge amounts of money to keep her happy and to see that she forgets the loss of a parent at a tender age. What was my fault. I suffered a lot at the hands of my elder brother and his family. I did not want a repeat of that.

True to speak, I was a bit sensitive to feminine feelings. In the process, I bought a chain, spending Rupees One Hundred those days to a girl. She was a friend of my sister. She showed it to her and told her I bought it. My sister told the news at home. I do not remember why. At that time, both my second and third brothers were at home. They started beating me. I ran away from home. My mother chided them for blaming me for that. She also chided me for going after girls. My brothers declared that I was responsible for all the ills at home. I asked them to take the whole family to their places. I had no objection. That silenced them. Later, I married a girl of my choice. Again, my third brother started an issue in front of my wife why I did not wait till my elder sister was married. I had my reasons for hurrying through the marriage in a Registrar’s Office. I asked him why he could not wait. He was silent. So, even before I left for Bellary, an informal decision was made that my sister should be married as early as possible.

 

It was not difficult. If we go back to the days when we stayed in Tenali an unexpected incident took place. Unable to face harassment by our landlord, we decided to search for a new place on lease. Through some sources. Someone told us that a portion of a house near Venkateswara Theatre was vacant. I accompanied my mother to see the place. We saw the place. The rent quoted was very high. Then, the landlady came to talk to my mother. An unexpected event took place. My mother and the landlady saw each other for few minutes. They did not say a word. After few minutes, they hugged each other and started crying. “You are so and so; you are so and so”. I was a mute spectator. Later it came out that they were best friends as children. Her husband was a Dy. Tahsildar in Tenali. He earned a lot, as it is usual with Revenue Department officials. He had six boys and two girls. The story did not stop there. After we came to Hyderabad, she saw my elder sister, it seems.  Immediately, she proposed a marriage between their fourth son and my sister.  My mother was elated. She never dreamed of sending my sister to such a rich family, and the boy’s mother was her best friend. She immediately gave her consent.

 

Now, why did such rich family opt for a poor girl like my sister? My sister was very pretty; there is no doubt. But beauty does not provide money. The Tahsildar, (he became Tahsildar before retirement was, by nature a miser and the two objects of his love are his wife and money. We have his wife on our side but we do not have money. When the mother of the boy told her husband about the girl , he immediately objected. “They cannot give dowry”. Outside my son gets huge amount of dowry. After marriage, the brothers will not be able to provide him with gifts, as it is an obligation “. The boy’s mother insisted. He was caught between his love for his wife and his love for money.  His wife insisted. Then he accepted on one condition. The condition is that we should give the dowry, as demanded by him. The three elder brothers of mine took dowry of Rs.5000 to 5500. We were prepared to spend the same amount as dowry for my sister. It is not appropriate to talk of the personality, age and other aspects of the boy. After all, I married one of the prettiest girls. He was working in a rural railway station, as station master. He was not a graduate. After both the boy and girl saw each other and agreed to marry, the real picture came out.

 

My brothers were not satisfied with sending our sister to a rural place. But my sister was ready. She was in a hurry to marry. It is not her fault. Fault partly lies with me. If I were not married, she would have waited. She would not have waited for long, anyhow. She decided to discontinue studying. I came to our place for only one day. That was the day the formal meeting of the boy and girl was to take place. As I had no leave, I rushed back to Bellary. My brother was working in the Telecommunications Department. As it was free he remained in constant contact with me. My elder brothers should know why he was in contact with me and not with them. The reason was simple. I was committed to my family. My family members were attached to me. They knew I was the only person who could make things happen.

 

So, the negotiations started. My brother and my mother only negotiated with that gentleman. My brother was going to Guntur to meet the retired Revenue Department official. He demanded a heavy amount. And my brother informed me. I said it was not possible. My mother was pestering. After days of negotiations, his demand increased as my brother-in-law got selected as clerk in a Bank. After a lot of to and fro, I finally gave a go-ahead for Rs.8000/-, in cash as dowry besides some other demands. My younger brother was worried. I told him that he could contact the other brothers and each of us would contribute Rs.2000/- each. That would be Rs.10000/-. We had a fixed deposit of about Rs.4,500/- , the amount of arrears of the pension and PF of my father. I promised him that I would borrow more money if required.  (I was not having even the Rs.2000/-, as I was bankrupt by then. The mother of Venkateswara Rao lent me the money again. I do not remember if I repaid them or not).

 

So far, it went well. One morning, my brother called me and told that the gentleman is demanding a silver plate and a glass, which would have cost Rs.8000/- those days. The ball was back in square one. I did not blink or think. I told him to take one of the silver plates and one of the glasses to a gold shop and remodel it without investing much as extra cost. We were too young and my brother was , by nature not so courageous. I told him to approach our maternal uncle and take his help. With his help the old plate and glass were exchanged for new ones. An issue was solved.

 

Again, my brother called. The gentleman is demanding marriage in Guntur. It would have cost our lives to perform a marriage in a hall in Guntur. Then my second sister-in-law came to our rescue. Her sister was owning a palace-like building in Guntur. There was an outhouse too. She magnanimously offered her palace to us and said she would sdjust in the outhouse. It was a great relief. There was a large terrace. There was enough open space in front of the house. My brother , mother and sisters went there early and made all required purchases and other arrangements. I reached only one day earlier. We performed the marriage in a way the Tahsildar was very impressed. I was not allowed to be the near the marriage Mandap.  The Tahsildar made me sit with him and went on relaying how he earned so much money, how he loved his wife, how she stood by him in summer and winter of life, about his children and what not. He praised me and my younger brother in the most loving words. He said that being children we could not perform the marriage so graciously. After marriage , time came for lunch. We invited them for lunch. I feel proud for me and my brother that the Tahsildar insisted that both of us should eat first. He said they were not our guests but both of us were their guests. At that age, getting accolades from a man of our father’s age (if he were living) was like honoring us with gold chariot. After my sister went to their house, he wrote me a very affectionate letter praising me the way I brought up my sister.

 

I had to write all this because a month back, in a family What App group, our brother-in-law boasted that his father did not insist on dowry those days and applauding his courtesy.

 

A doubt may be raised as to why such purely personal and family matters should find a place in a story of my travels and travails in life. There is a reason. It shows how people us when needed and throw us away like garbage once they settle into their lives. Until my sister got married, I looked after her as the most important part of my body, the eyes. Even after her marriage I was constantly looking after her needs and I was in constant contact with her. 

During my absence, my younger brother took the responsibility of her needs. I quote a few incidents that showed their character and my commitment to their welfare.

 

During 1979, my sister conceived for the first child. I was in Davangere. My wife was too carrying our second child. After my brother brought my sister home for delivery, I sent my wife for assistance. The delivery had gone bad and she gave birth to a deaf and dumb child. My wife breast-fed her to see she remains healthy.

 

When I was in Davangere only, I purchased a gas connection for them. It was easy there as I was in a Bank and demand there was less. In Hyderabad, it was taking three to four years to get connection. The minimum period for the new connection to be transferred to a new place was six months. During those six months , I was constantly being pressurized to send my connection papers to them. I found it funny. Why should I send my gas connection papers and keep connection in their name and suffer life-long. Even today, both of them blame me that I misused their money. Just imagine how I feel in such circumstances. I ket quiet because I knew the truth. As long as I was away, she was not visiting my brother as he was not in the habit of doling out money. After I returned back in 1982, she made it a habit to visit us saying she wanted to see her mother. And every fortnight, she was demanding and taking Rupees Hundred for travel by auto.

 

During the period 1982-85 ( I can not recollect the exact year), my brother-in-law got a transfer to Hyderabad, citing the disability of his daughter as a reason. It was most shameful to resort to such tactics. And he continued in Hyderabad throughout his career with the same plea. That is their character. I am in no way concerned. But when he got transferred to Hyderabad, he asked his father to let out a portion of the house he owned. His father quoted a rental value. Our brother-in-law said that with his salary, he could not pay such a high rent. His father asked him to search for another accommodation. What did he do ? He brought his family of two elders and two children to our house. I was having three children by then. He stayed for two full months without paying a single rupee towards expenses. Very recently, one of my children said that I was feeding my sister’s children with whole milk and when their turn came I was asking my wife to add water. With one income, I managed two families. They forgot.

 

In 1995, when I lost my job without a penny (and being most dishonest) , I had to beg for alms. My younger brother and sister helped with little amounts, very less compared to what I contributed to see them settle in life. Those days my elder brother-in-law was regularly calling me to show his nnewly painted house, unconcerned about my plight. One day, I went. I did not enter their Bungalow. My sister who was sitting there said “Sorry! Chandra! We want to help you   ! But we are totally bankrupt>” , If I said the same words when they came to my house as they had no shelter, where would have they gone? All in the game!!!

 

From then on, the family moved away from me and started amusing the rich brothers. It is okay. These brothers who never bothered about their empty stomachs after my daughter’s death started gifting them liberally. It is okay. It is not my botheration.

 

During 2008-09 , my mother pleaded with my wife that she would stay with us only and die in our hands. I mentioned this in some other part. During her stay with us my daughter requested my mother to stay with them a week. She went. After four days, my mother called me and said she could not stay there and asked me to bring her back. What she told amaged me. During these four days, they did not buy vegetables. They did not make dal. She was fed pickles and buttermilk. Moreover, every day my brother-in-law was asking her for dowry dues. His grouse was that he was not given enough dowry at the time of marriage and as my brothers were all settled well, not me, he should be paid the balance with interest which ran into lakhs. Both my sister and her husband were fighting with her. She could not bear the torture.

 

My mother was attacked by paralysis , lost her right limbs and voice and the neurologist who treated her gave her a life of six months at the most. During this period, our brothers and sisters visited her rarely and none of them touched her with their fingers even. One afternoon, she reached her Heavenly Abode. I called everyone except my third brother, who went on a pleasure trip to China without informing us and without even seeing our mother’s condition. My eldest brother asked me to burn her body. He said, “What difference does it make that the younger son lights her pyre? You go ahead”. My second brother refused to come by flight, saying he is not a millionaire. The third one was beyond the oceans. So, the probability of the three elder sons of my mother for at least two days was remote.

 

 

As I was living in an apartment complex, there was constant pressure and nagging from the other apartments to take the body to the crematorium. I had no option. There is a reason why the others pressured me. Some ladies have a fear of dead bodies. If a dead body is kept in one of the flats, there is a possibility of these ladies turning mentally unstable. The other reason is that when a dead body is kept in the flats, occupants of other flats do not cook their food until the body is taken away. Already, I have spent more than a lakh and a half of my son’s money on the recuperation attempt of my sick mother. I was left with barely enough funds to cremate her as per Hindu rituals. So, the idea of keeping her body in a mortuary did not arise. The younger brother, two younger sisters, and their families came. The priest has been performing all rituals at our home for a long period. So, we decided to take the body to the crematorium.  

 

Then, my first brother-in-law, who, a month back, fought with my mother demanding additional dowry with interest, objected. This was what he said. “I will not allow my mother-in-law, who lived like a queen, to be cremated like an orphan.” I asked him, “Then why did you not take her to your house when she was sick?  Even now, why don’t you shift her to your house, to my younger brother’s house or to my younger sister’s house? He said, as per the Hindu Shastras we should not shift the body from the place of death. I knew that none of them would be willing to keep the dead body of own mother in his/her house. Then I said the cremation process will proceed. I asked the priest if it is true that in case of mother’s passing away, the youngest of her children should perform all the funeral rites.  He clarified that the eldest of those present has a right as per Brahminical traditions and so, I should cremate her. My elder brother-in-law said he would not lift the body. My younger brother-in-law parroted his words. I understood they were living in fools’ hell. I called our building watchman and told him to call four of his friends to lift the body of my mother. My elder brother-in-law said people of other castes are not permitted to lift the cadaver of a Brahmin. I asked the priest what his opinion was. He clarified that if no one from Brahmin caste is available, anyone can lift the body and he had no objection from outsiders lifting the body. Then, my brothers-in-law realized their writ would not run with me. They accepted to lift the body. I performed the funeral rites and cremated my mother’s body. That way, I fulfilled her long-term wish that she would die in my hands. Her Soul must have been satisfied that the son who took over responsibility of the family after her husband’s death lighted her funeral pyre. And the satisfaction I received from the sacred act will remain with me till my mortal remains are consumed by the five elements.

 

 

The above narrative looks extraneous to the story of my life. As I said earlier, certain repeated allegations about our actions, if not answered, remain as truth. I replied to every point raised by my envious third brother in the following post.

 

Sudhakara Rao Neelamraju

May 18 ·

It is true that I did not come to Hyderabad asI was in Shaghai.Atleast whether you waited till your elders to come.Do you remember that the utterences you made in front of the public and Purohit. You already killed when she was alive. What makes you to burn the pyre when the younger brother was thre. Are you proud of the actions. "You don't havr thr patience to wait till the elder sister of your wife to get marry."You ruinrd her life also..For all five brothers and sisters there is only one mother. We can can not cut in to her pieces. It it is her wish to stay back with you for reasons well knowno you. (Verbatim. No corrections made. sic.)

 

 

This was written by a man who worked as a bank manager . You can judge him by the number of mistakes in his post, either grammatical or spelling. He failed to come and see his dying mother before leaving to China. He felt ashamed of himself. Then he asked me why I did not keep the body till the elders came. In another post, he charged me with murdering my mother. Here, he is indirectly saying, I disposed of the body to hide my crime. I answered his doubt, though he never answered why he left the country, knowing fully well his mother was on bed. Regarding what I said and why said anything with my priest , I explained in detail the background. Regarding my lighting the pyre when the younger brother was there , I already said it was done as per the directions of our priest. Regarding my marriage before her elder sister was married, it is none of his business but I already clarified the circumstances. One day he has to answer to his allegation how I spoiled anybody’s life. To hide his lies , inferiority complex and envy that had been eating his brain, he goes on talking nonsense. May God give him some sense. In the same manner, out of jealousy towards his son’s in-laws, he distanced his son for four years. Finally when the boy got a deputation to US, and the passport was with his father , he came home. And this idiotic person said he hid the passport of his son because he knows one day his son requires. His character is so amoral, shameless and moronic. Except that he is two year older than me, he deserves to be dumped as underving to be a member of the family of my parents.