JUST FOR LAUGHS- BLOGS

This blog is intended “just for laughs”. Some are jokes I read here and there and some are directly from my life events.

When I was Manager of a Branch one client walked in and asked the officer sitting in the counter. “I met one short man last week. Where is he?” The Officer asked him, “Okay! You want a short man. Which Cadre? We have a short Manager, a short Officer, a short Clerk and a short Attender.” As I knew he came for me, I came out of the cabin and talked to him. And there were laughs for the next one month. I was 5'2” and the others were in competition with me!\

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When I was working in the Davangere Branch as a second line officer, I observed one counter clerk furiously arguing with a customer. He was asking him to bring his wife as the name on the account was “Sangamma”. The client was arguing his name was “Sanganna” and it was his account. As manual ledgers were maintained those days, while carrying forward from one page to the other the name was misspelled. We rectified. So much so good. In the evening while rechecking the postings I observed that on the top was noted in red ink. “Male account. Don't ask for females. It will be trouble” The joke went viral.

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When I was undergoing training with my co recruits, I went to a Malayalam picture with four guys from other states, one from Kerala. He was explaining the scenes and said, “In Malayalam movies the director kills the Hero/Heroine (like that) At which the other guys too responded telling who is killed in their movies. Finally one guy asked me “What about Telugu?” I instantly replied, “He kills the audience” Laughs all round

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Once me and my wife were travelling by train. Our actual age is almost same and on record it is only 11 days' gap. She looks twenty years younger than me (even now). The TTE was looking us by turns. I was amused and waited to see what he he would say. He did not , but I sensed his discomfort as we were Seniors and showed him her PAN card. Then he said he was really wondering!

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After returning from office on a Saturday afternoon, I asked my 4 year old daughter (eldest) “I am hungry. Is food ready?” She retorted angrily, “Why do you ask me? Inside your wife is there. Ask her” She was imitating my mother who retorts similarly! I got Rupees Thirty for sending this joke to the “Caravan” Magazine.

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There was a Telugu joke I read. Two women were arguing in the train. “If you close the window, I will jump”. The other said ' “If you you open it, I will jump” A young guy sitting there first closed the window. One jumped. He opened it. The other jumped. He slept happily thereafter.

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Once, Abraham Lincoln faced a piquant situation. All were asking Ministerial post. Then he told a story. “There was a foolish king. Once he went out for hunting. While starting the washer man of the king told him it would rain. He asked him how he knew. He showed the donkey and said when it raises its head it rains. It rained So he removed all ministers and appointed the donkey as his minister.” One member asked, “So what?” Lincoln replied, “Nothing! From then on every donkey is asking to be made Minister” His problem was solved.

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An Air Hostess asked a passenger, “Sir! Would you like to have dinner?” He asked “what are options?” she replied, “Yes! Or No.”

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One Rangaiah died and became a ghost and sat on the tree in his backyard. It saw the troubles his people were undergoing and thought, “ Thank God! I am living happily as I died. If I were living, I would have died of all these troubles.”

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Two 90+ old men were traveling in a train. One asked the other, “What could be your age?” He replied “Might be 60 and about yours?” The first one replied, “Might be 55”. Then one 35+ guy fell down from the upper berth. They asked, “What's the matter?” He said, “ I am just born”.

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Two guys were talking in a train.

“Where are you from” “Hyderabad”

“WOW! I too am from Hyderabad. Where do you stay?”

“In Ashoknagar” “ WOW! I too am! What is House Number?”

“1-10-94/B/1/C/22” “WOW! I too live there”

A guy sitting opposite was shocked and asked “You stay in the same house and don't know each other?”

One replied, “ We are brothers. Just killing time” In fact, they killed him

!More in the next one, if I remember more!

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AMMAS' AKSHAYA PATRA

“Food Security Bill” is termed “Vote Security Bill'” by BJP. But it ensured the bill is passed very smoothly. Even after “Amma” had left LS with fever, Sushamma saw it was passed without a hitch. The talk in 67% of the hutments, pavements, slums,temple steps and abandoned train compartments where the poor live and do not sleep due to hunger, is that both the Ammas are hand in glove to ensure little food for them and more security for themselves! They retain their own positions, one as the ruler and the other as the 'ruled'. Lord Krishna said “ who are you to win or lose?” Media foodies had lots of food on their plates. But “only the tables are turned in favor of the ruling Amma”. “BJP did not understand the Bill” they tweeted and distributed sweets. Some revisited the photos of bonhomie between the “Ammas” in “At Tea” hosted by the President on Independence Day and mocked! They said, “ They laughed him out of Delhi's club”. Prima facie, it sounds true!

The truth lost is that only an “Amma” (Mother) can know the hunger of children! In Mahabharata when the “Amma” was left with no food, Krishna created food from a single grain to fill stomachs of lakhs of Brahmins sent by her adversary Duryodhana from his " Innocent Priest Bank”. The secret not told in the Book was that these Priests were kept hungry for four years on purpose, showing them the Akshaya Patra (that ensures food security for all) Amma was owning! See the pleasure of the priests who ate after four years and later slept for one year to vouch/vote for Amma!

Food is a miracle created by God! Elizabeth Gilbert in the book “eat, pray and love” said “I am a better person if I have less food on my plate”. See Amma's vision of bringing out the best of persons in her adopted country by leaving 'no food' on their plates for four years! But she needed to butter them now to buttress her own fortunes by ensuring they vote! So a morsel of food (her own cronies say this) is served on their plates for some days! Later the system takes care to see their plates are empty for another four years! Pot holes on high ways and loopholes in the system are common! There is a mythological angle here too! Lord Krishna consumed two fistfuls of grains brought by “the eternally educated poor” Sudhama. He was endowed with lots of wealth along with the Lord's heart.. It is said “Rukmini” Ammal stopped him from eating the third as that would have left Krishna poor. Now, roles reversed. Poor are rich in hearts, votes and poverty. Amma is poor in heart, votes and poverty. With the first fistful of grains given by Amma the poor give away their hearts. With second one, they give away their votes. If they eat the third, there is a danger of their giving away their poverty too. Hence, the system acts fast and stops them from eating a third. Amma can see poverty but can not endure it! She has to sleep, after all! If she goes hungry who empathizes with the poor? Hence, it is not acceptable.

Robert Frost said, “ The wife (mother)who cant cook food but cooks is more exasperating than a wife (mother) who can cook food and won't”. Now, see the paradox. If Amma wanted she could have provided food to the poor during the past four years. She could, but did not, even though economy was flourishing! Now, suddenly she decided to provide food when economy was stumbling! She could not provide but decided to provide! The economy could not take the half-baked food (FSB) and threw up  (vomited is bad word, hence not used)  Rupee and Shares! Markets smelled foul! As markets saw South, FM saw  West! PM was mute. Amma still has fever. Sushamma cant talk out of immense pleasure! She scored few points here!

Charles De Gaulle said, “ How can you rule a country which has 246 varieties of cheese?' Poor Gaulle (guy) he does not know truth! It is easy to rule if there are 24600 castes! The more the number of divisions in people the easier to rule! Our rulers learned primary lessons from the British. Now, they are looking to us for further training in “divide and rule' . But our rulers know how to unite the people in the 'battle of ballot”. Soups they may not serve, but sops they give! They know better than any one that hunger unites them. That is the enigma. Those who never knew hunger know people unite when hungry. The only logical explanation seems to be, “When we are united in hunger for power, by anti thesis and synthesis, it is assumed people hungry for food too sure stay united.” So musing, they brought a Food Security Bill with a promise that people eat and sleep till election are announced. For BJP old guard it is a double whammy. You know why.

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.” A quote. In a country where 67% of people still look for a morsel of fresh, nutritious food and rulers and opposition parties vie with each other to claim credit for it, whom should we pity? I pity the people on top. How so ever they hard sell this 'morsel' theory, this time around they are in for a shock. The only sane voices amid this din were those of a few Chief Ministers and ex-Chief Ministers. Their voice is lost in the din.

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”―Abraham Lincoln. The poor are certain to say “If this is food and if you too eat food, give us your food” Or “If this is grass and if you too eat grass, give us the grass you eat.” They have to answer. And the saner voices are certain to unveil the truth this time! And one voice is certain to quell all the voices in both these parties! We wait for D-day!

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Final word:  “Humor keeps us alive. Humor and food. Don't forget food. You can go a week without laughing.” ― Joss Whedon

Let us enjoy the humor of life but let the poor not go hungry for years. Curse of poor is curse of God. For, M.K. Gandhi said, "“There are people in the world so hungry, that God cannot appear to them except in the form of bread.” 

                                     

A VALENTINE DAY LETTER TO WIFE

We first met in the sprawling Garden Restaurant of Hotel Sarovar, Hyderabad adjacent to the office I was working. It was a cool evening of 28^th November, 1976. The occasion was the birthday of my very close school mate, whose cousin happened to be her close friend. We shared snacks and a little humor and me, being very talkative those days naturally made the evening more humorous than she expected. Same time, I observed that she too was very talkative and liked my humor. She wanted a Basundi, the costliest sweet those days, Rs.5/- per cup. Since, I was the host and full of male pride I ordered four and emptied my pockets. (Two days later I got salary) Within a week I obtained her phone number and called her office for lunch in the same hotel. She was stunned, angry and in my heart I felt she was happy too, to have met a daring boy those days. She feigned reluctance, but came. We met almost daily later. On 4^th March, 1977 she offered me lunch in the same hotel, to discuss our future. We sat in a corner and in a 'no-nonsense' manner she asked me “Will you marry me?” I said I was thinking of asking the same question but was hesitating. Then she asked me the most direct question. “ Will you stand on your word, even if all the world stands in between?” I said “Yes!”. We never thought “How?”

I broached the subject in our house and there was strong opposition for many reasons. I stood my ground and said, come what may, I was marrying her. Sensing the same kind of opposition in her house, I moved things fast. I approached a Registrar of Marriages through a friend and learned about the procedure. On one fine morning, we approached the Registrar Office in Mojamjahi Market and gave one month's notice for marriage under Special Marriages Act. Exactly after one month, on 15^th June 1977, we got married in front of a Muslim Registrar, who administered an oath of marriage. We went into the Public Gardens, exchanged garlands brought by mutual friends, hosted lunch and parted. The day I got the Marriage Certificate I showed it in the house. Things moved fast and she came to our house within two months without much fanfare. We were remarried traditionally on 2nd September, 1977. We spent Rs. 3000/- both together.   Life went on.

After 24 years, as I was perusing headlines in the Deccan Chronicle I saw a a contest for young lovers inviting them to write loving letters to their fiancees. I thought ,”Why not me?” My temper was such that once I thought “Why not me?”, I used to implement it immediately. I sat before the Desk Top and typed a love letter to my wife, 24 years after marriage and forwarded it to the News Paper Office. As it was an open letter published in a News Paper I do share the contents here with you.

Dear Vani,

I gives me a lot of pleasure and a sweet pain too, to write you again twenty four years after I wrote to to you with my heart. Pleasure, because we crossed a milestone in our life surpassing all hurdles twenty four years ago and lived together surpassing many more hurdles. Pain, because your life had never been a bed of roses with me. But you endured the pain with a smile and brought up the three children in such a way that the world envied us.

That I love you need not be told again. That you loved me more than you love yourself, I never lost sight of. Your world revolved around me since marriage and more so now. You stood by me in times of stress, consoled me and never asked me more than what I could give you. You took the ups and downs of our lives, the pleasures and pains and riches and poverty with the same equanimity and made my life full.

As age advanced, things changed . The world too changed. The hill which we used to climb daily (Naubath Pahad) is now Birla Mandir (Abode of Lord Venkateswara). God destined us to leave material pleasures and turn towards Him for the rest of our lives.

In the Hussain Sagar Lake, on the banks of which we used to share pleasures and pains, there stands a larger than life size statue of Buddhah! Is it time to renounce the worldly pleasures and turn to meditation?

Alas! The hotel we first met, the hotel you first proposed to me and the hotel that changed the direction of our lives is today “Medi City Hospital”. Will destiny see us again there to propose to each other and depart the world forever? I wish we do it together, as we cant live a day without each other. On this Valentine Day,I pray God to grant this one last wish!

Your words on the day you proposed to me still reverberate in my mind.” If you respect me I will reciprocate “ and I promised you. I stood by my word till date and on this Valentine Day I again promise you, I will stand by my word.

Yours ever loving,

Chandu.

Surprisingly, this letter won “the best love letter” award that year and we got a priceless Mont Blanc pen with platinum coating and gold nib. I do not know the value but it is priceless.

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Note: This 'blog' is history and not a story. Each incident was reproduced as it happened. We stood as guide to many youngsters as one of the most inseparable couple, performed a few marriages too and now we are away looking after the next generation. This blog was inspired by a highly religious  minded friend on Twitter @manjusha who shared the life story of a couple for 58 years and are still full of love to each other.

MESSING UP WITH MISSING FILES

Filing is an art. In olden days, in many offices there used to be a specific grade employees for the purpose. They used to “mess” up with files. If angry on the boss the 'filing attendant' used to file important, urgent papers in the middle. Boss had to split his head to find the papers. (Personal experience here) There was also a practice to file the papers in the wrong ones. So, he files the papers of “Coal” file in the “Goal” file. This is called “Golmal” in Hindi. This is the “Messing Up” Part of  files.

Once I accompanied a builder to a Municipal Office. He submitted a wrong affidavit and the clerk duly filed it and cleared the permission. I asked him,” How can you escape audit of the file?” He counter-questioned me, “Which file?” I was thoroughly educated on the subject. These are “corruption files”. They have their specific places to hide. When required they are not seen. They are “Missing Files”

Computers replaced physical files. “Corruption files” were replaced by “corrupt files”. There is a back up problem,. As long as one has somebody to back him up, there is no issue. Computer servers will be down in time, so back up is not seen. Or else, as there is no coal there will be no power. Power back up problem is solved by back up from the powerful.

Legend has it that Chitragupta (CG) was the first and best filing clerk in the scheme of Gods! He uses dry palm leaves and a wooden stick to write. He never wets his palms or palm leaves.  He has 'mines' of 'sins' to note and file. He is immortal and works 24X7 like Media. He has no relief. Even his boss “Yam” has a fixed tenure. Not CG, that is power of the G therein. Every billion years or so a new Yam takes over. Not CG, his inimitable assistant. He works for “Yam's Office. We can call it Yam O, for simplicity. Only CG has access to Yam O besides Yam.

CG is known for immaculate noting of mines of 'sins' of humans! He never messes up with a file nor misses it! When Yam holds inquest he produces files of sins promptly. He has instructions not to note sins of Very Very Important personalities in hell and Heaven. But due to overwork and in a drowsy mode he noted millions of sins of a few VVIPs. Through some sources Yam came to know of it and referred the matter to the Supreme. Inquest started and the files went missing.

Who misplaced or missed the file? Yam blamed CG. CG put the blame on 'unidentified' sources. “Supreme” took serious exception to the missing files. Commotion started in Heaven and hell. All descended on hell to search. Their interest is to know if their name is in the file and remove papers of their sins. All inmates of hell and Heaven started protesting at the special treatment of VVIPs. All hell broke out in hell and Heaven.

Suddenly there came one from the crowd with a small 'tablet' and said “I have back up in my computer”. All were stunned. CG recouped and asked “who are you?” “I am a Tech savvy citizen from Akhand Bharath. I noted all their sins in this box.” “CG verified his files and asked, “How could you enter this place?” The human laughed and said “ I am an anti-corruption crusader. I stand for good, corruption free governance. I work for common good. My people love me. I am Omnipotent and Omniscient” At which the Supreme felt very happy and thought “ After all! My creation is not faulty! The land I love found a great leader!” He blessed him to be immortal and sent him back! All are now waiting for the judgment day!

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Disclaimer: This is a "humor skit" to see your smiles. If smiles are missing please approach the 'omnipotent'. He will find the missing 'smile file'. Keep smiling!

THE INSEPARABLES 

We learned a story in childhood. It is that of a Priest carrying a goat, throwing it away after four thieves brand it “as another animal”. I feel in politics this feat is repeated with active connivance of the Media by all parties. “Call a goat by another name number of times, people tend to believe it” In warfare, before the final battle with arms is fought various tactics are employed by rivals to demoralize the enemy. This is very well depicted in the “Mahabharata” when Lord Krishna, knowing fully well war is inevitable proposes 'peace' with the sons of Dhritarashtra, in the process sufficiently unnerving the enemy camp by adulating the prowess of the Pandavas and sending confusing signals.

So, when on the 14^th of August, the mighty challenger to the ruling party threw a gauntlet to the PM in more rhetoric than content, it was part of an electoral war strategy. The gamble worked. For, part of PM's speech reads like this.

“There can be no place for narrow and sectarian ideologies in a modern, progressive and secular country. Such ideologies divide out society and weaken our democracy. We should prevent them from growing. We need to strengthen those traditions of our country which teach us to promote tolerance and respect for thought processes different from ours. I would appeal to all political parties, all sections of our society and the public at large to work in this direction.”

It is clear whom he was referring to. He had to take it! (This was the view of an Editor of a National News Paper) A constitutionally elected PM does not have the luxury of naming people from the Red Fort. (CM s too have certain limits and Modi followed them to the letter as a political challenger) So PM sent a veiled message to his vociferous opponent who challenged him a day earlier. Then Modi  retorted in many words and in fact, challenged the PM for an open debate on issues mentioned by him and no more. It worked. Most Congressmen were on their feet to attack Modi, in as much as one leader called him “Khalnayak”. His purpose of unnerving the opponents served, Modi remained silent. A recollection of Mahabharata here draws an analogy to the “ten thousand Karnas can not face an Arjuna” in the war field. In fact, Karna is considered a better archer than Arjuna. But the unnerving part of it is more important. (The analogy is only for purpose of the art of “warfare” and none is Kaurava nor the other Pandava here. In my view they all belong to the same political class that rule us democratically). Even Sushma jee was critical of PM's speech, but was not given much coverage.

But a remark by- the -now- acknowledged -ambitious- leader- in BJP Mr. Advani on the lines that it was not apt to go personal on a National Day got immense Media coverage. The reason is obvious. Congress leaders were again before the mikes saying “we have been warning BJP about this. BJP requires a moderate face like Advani Jee!” (He was very radical till Modi emerged on the scene!) This again is a war strategy by Congress. To draw a dividing line in the opposite camp. There is nothing wrong in it in electoral battles. Mr. Advani nor Modi retorted. Media Pundits discussed, re discussed and the ultimate conclusion was “BJP is a divided house”. Congress strategy worked. Even today a friend tweeted me a link to a column in a news paper about this. What was lost upon the Media  was that Advani could have stopped Modi in his tracks on 14^th August itself by raising a hue and cry. He could have at least dampened the spirit of Modi if he wanted. He did not do it because he did not want to do. It was a tacit endorsement of Modi's strategy, I stress as my own opinion. For, in a democracy each one draws his own lines and reads between them. Pen is mightier than sword.

Customary "At Tea" followed in Rashtrapathi Bhavan. Photos of all congress leaders shaking hands of all BJP leaders and the top most leader of Congress in jovial mood talking to Advani Jee; Sushma jee, all smiles while talking to Congress stalwarts and the Chief Justice of India shaking hands with Arun Jaitely Jee were given prominent place in the Media. They read “between the lines”. One columnist wrote with full of sympathy for him saying these jealous BJP leaders and the dynasty supporters in Congress(???) have one agenda “to see Modi does not enter the Delhi Club”. So, the author called the fairy tale “goat” "not a goat". It was repeated many times by many so much so that even staunch BJP supporters started believing it. In AP, if you hear news channels, by evening you are left confused who is colluding with whom to thwart Telangana. Such is power of Media and unsupported “loose sources”. The author also quoted the bonhomie in the President's tea party and the photos and supported the view that Modi was in fact a “taboo” in the Delhi Club. In a customary get together in the President's Palace, people smile. They do not show rancor. It is a fact for 66 years and will be a fact for 660 years more. Why read in between? The agenda is clear. Try to unnerve the opposite camp. Media is always a tool for ruling parties. Their independence is a myth, in a world of competition.

Now, see how I view it. I read in Advani Jee's statement more a castigation of the PM's speech for his veiled reference to Modi Jee as a divisive force, than that of Modi. I produce strong evidence in the form of his praise of Modi's speech in the Parliamentary Board meeting as a “very balanced”, one or two days later and I stress it was an endorsement of Modi's Independence day speech too. I too have a right to read “Between the Lines”. I stress there are no groups in BJP and Advani Jee's blessings as well as other leaders' blessings were with Modi Jee. Who can stop me from surmising what I surmise? Critiques might criticize or abuse me for this “nonsensical” thinking, for they strongly believe BJP is a divided house and as long as Sun rises in the East and sends light to the Moon, Congress can not be defeated. I hold the exact opposite view. There is no stopping me from what I say as long as I remain within “parliamentary limits” in my use of words.

About the photos too I hold an opposite view. I see Congress leaders cozy up to their counterparts in BJP to see that the Food Bill is passed without hitches and they got re elected, as it would be a game changer for them. I can say they want to convince the other BJP leaders to ignore Modi who overtly opposed it. What they talked, great columnists like the one I mentioned only know. So it is always a two-way theory as long as we have no 'first person' account of what happens. There is no 'clairvoyance' to study minds of others. It is a deep subject.

I believe what I believe, as long as I believe what I believe is right. A priest kills his pet mongoose mistaking the blood on her mouth as his baby's instead of verifying the fact that it killed the snake that was about to kill the infant. This is called “Apareekshikaritwa” in Panchatantra, by Vishnu Sharma. ( It means jumping to conclusions without verification). 

Every time elections are around, clouds of words hover on the horizon making all blind. Once the battle of ballot chimes are rung the clouds clear and a “Sun” or “son” comes out. One section waits for the Sun to come out bringing with his rays all missing files and the other section waits for the son to come out and hide more files. Till then we, the voters grope in the darkness. It is for us to see with the eye of “wisdom' and choose the right one, be it the Sun or the Son.

In the meantime, let us recall Mahatma Gandhi's words. “I will not let anyone walk through my mind with their dirty feet.” ― Mahatma Gandhi

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Note: This blog was inspired by @Dr. Bhavaa on Twitter who loses no opportunity to send links to me of good, readable blogs, columns and articles. They refresh the mind though I may differ in views. The column I referred was a good read, but as a change monger from the present system, I differ in views. Hence, this blog is written with due respect to the author.

Disclaimer: I have no specific opinion of any of the two leaders of BJP or that of the Congress PM aspirant. I am a change monger. Before the system collapses totally, it is our duty to bring a semblance of purity to our electoral system. A two/three party system helps us in this direction. There will be stability and a right to voter to throw out the non-performer. If BJP wins and does not perform, we always have an option to replace it with Congress and vice versa. 

                                           

MANMOHAN'S "MATRIMONION" BUREAU

Who said “Onions” are scarce? If you read my blogs you will get Tonnes. Just now, my young friend @niksshah tweeted, “Finally, my bad breath of onions attract girls.. they think I am rich.” “What an idea, Sir Jee!” I thought and I tweeted too! I got an idea too! Why do not I open a “Matrim”onion” site? All lovers, former lovers and farmer lovers like the “Pawarful” people from Maharashtra are the target clients. Those in 'cold storage' too can join. The logo is 'Rupee chasing Onion” and “Yen n Dollar” laughing from the sideline. A video presentation of the “Pound pounding Rupee” and “Onion reaching out to Pound” for parity is presented in 'coal' color, sorry “cold” color.

I paid some friends in the Media to give “free publicity”, so it can reach 'millions”like “Breaking News”. The brief reads like this.

“Alliances are invited for beautiful young dames and handsome young males who own Dollars, Yens and Pounds from prospective grooms/brides who own onions, onion fields or who owe their riches to only “onions”. Age no bar. Those in cold storage till now can also approach.”

There was poor response. I wondered why? I wanted to do a survey. I went to the most famous park in the city where lovers hide behind bushes to discuss their future plans. I heard a murmur. “Sorry, Niks! I cant marry you.” The stunned lover came out of the bush and shouted “Whyyyyyyy?” She still hid behind the bush and replied, “You don't smell onions. My father can easily smell those whose breath does not smell onions”. The shocked boy went into a tizzy and sang, “Oh! Onion! Did you reach the Moon?” At which the Moon laughed and said “ It crossed me and is travelling towards the Sun". The dejected lover left in search of at least one 'onion' to smell. I smelled an onion here. I called out the prospective bride and asked, “By chance, do you own Dollars, Yens or Pounds?”. She said, “No. My father owns a lot. But he does speculate. He won't give out”. My chance lost, I went further.

An old couple was sitting on the bench and were arguing. “ Manmohan, you cheated on me. When I married you, you were owning lots of rupees. Now, your market value is nil. See our neighbor. He owns lots of onions. In fact he is searching for a bride with Yens” “True! I know Bommaji! He is independent and can do anything. You know my plight. I am dependent on local bosses and global crises” At which, the old woman turned sympathetic and said “ Don't worry. You will also grow soon. But I won't give you a third chance. I am going for a young guy with onions” Dejected the old man left the shoes he was wearing and went into oblivion. A young (40+) bachelor waiting in the bushes entered his shoes and took away the “Doyen” on onions.

Dejected, I went further. A group of young people were seen arguing, “She called me 'onion faced”, no, she called me” I stopped and asked, “What is the matter?” They briefed me. A girl called one of them 'onion faced'. They don't know whom. I asked, “Does any one own an onion?” 'No', they said. “Then, why quarrel? Go to Africa and earn a few onions.” At which they walked towards the African Consulate.

I would have walked further. But the bachelor who entered the shoes of the old man was running towards the gate crying (without tears as it is not possible without cutting onion) “Oh! Onion, Onion, you spoiled my power equation. When can I marry power again?”

I came back to my office and opened the site. A million were registered for “Matrimonion”. I wondered. We have “Yens” and “Oni Yens” too! We are not poor, after all!

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Note: @niksshah is a real 'humorous' friend on Twitter. Follow him and smile about his vegetarian jokes. Rest you can throw like “rotten onions”. Sorry, we cant throw rotten onions too! Enjoy them too as you like! They are scarce too! Thank you, Niks! And sorry for bringing out your 'secret'. The "Oni Yen" is from @narayanreddy, another young friend, jovial guy! Married. Hence, no jokes. I don't know the status of Niks. 

If anyone has a 'bright, humorous idea on onion, please tweet me on my TL. I will try to build a blog in your name. Thank you! Enjonion!

TO DIVIDE OR NOT - THE 'OLD' DILEMMA 

Those living outside of Andhra Pradesh might be surprised what the issue with the division of AP is. I was born in Guntur District in coastal AP and lived there twenty years and made Hyderabad my home in later life for forty years before leaving AP for good. I was a live witness to the 1969 agitation in Telangana and in 1973 in Coastal Andhra, when many lives were lost. I have no opinion about the politics being played there but, with most of my working life in Telangana, the fact can not be denied that it is too under developed in at least five districts even now.There are many geopolitical reasons for this. So,too Anantapur and Kurnool in Rayalaseema, Srikakulam and partly Vizianagaram too lag behind in North Coastal AP. Certain pockets like Palnadu in Guntur Ditsrict and agency areas in Godavari District too are very under developed. I am not competent enough to comment whether the division was justified or not. But, the way it was  done certainly smacks of political expediency , lack of foresight and administrative acumen. Here, I feel it appropriate to provide certain facts by which we can have an insight into the political game played by the Congress with other parties too not helping.

The state was ruled by CMS hailing from Congress from Rayalaseema for 5666 days, from TDP from Rayalaseema including NTR (who contested from Hidupur) for 5361 days. (Total 11027 days). CM s, all of whom are  from Congress from Telangana ruled 3845 days and CM s from Coastal AP ruled 4098 days . It is clear Rayalaseema got major chunk but is still under developed and Telangana almost equaled Coastal AP but is still under developed. Out of 4098 days ruled by coastal area, a single CM ,Sri Brahmananda Reddy ruled 2777 days, that too before 1971. Afterwards their representation was by stop gap arrangements only, except N.Janardhan Reddy who ruled for 662 days. Figures speak for themselves. Most of the time Congress was ruling at the centre too. Why was not a decision taken then when Coastal Andhra rulers rarely ruled AP after 1971 and other regions had strong leaders to become CMs? Why was a case not made for a separate Rayalaseema too or Rayala Telangana all these years? This is an unanswered question. Why did the CM s not make efforts to develop their regions or develop all districts in their  regions equally when power was in their hands?

The 1^st SRC recommended Telangana be kept as Hyderabad State and that after 1961 elections it could be merged if 2/3^rd majority in Assembly favored it. What acted on the Government of the day is mired in mystery,but the recommendation was not considered and an integrated AP was formed with a Gentlemen agreement. In fact, Nehru in all wisdom expressed the view that it was a matrimonial agreement with a divorce clause if the parties cant live together. Even if the entire state speaks Telugu there is a little diversity between regions in culture and development. That settles the issue to a major extent. In 1969, at the end of the gentlemen agreement period, people in Telangana thought the provisions were nor implemented in right spirit and what happened was history. In a book written by T.N.Kaul,ex- secretary of External Affairs and published in 1982 he mentioned that Indira Gandhi,in principle,accepted formation of Telangana but was dissuaded  as the issue of Hyderabad was still in the UN and could not be taken up for consideration. In 1979 the Hyderabad case was closed by the UN.

In 1972 a “Jai Andhra Movement” was started in Coastal Andhra area against the upholding of the Mulki rules in Hyderabad area by SC. Surprisingly, Telangana leaders who spearheaded the separatist agitation in 1969 were silent on separation at that time. Mulki rules were replaced with a six point formula and the then CM of AP, P.V.Narasimha Rao, from Telangana  was forced to quit by his own party men. From then on till KCR revived the Telangana agitation, the issue was not raked up by both the parties to the dispute. In the meantime the capital Hyderabad grew beyond bounds and secured a place in the world map too. Contribution of all the three regions in this can not be underestimated.

Now the questions that elude answers are as follows.

1. Why was 1^st SRC recommendations set aside?
2. Why was Hyderabad not made a UT in 1956 itself if a case was before UN?
3. Why did the Telagana politicos not join chorus with their counterparts in Coastal area in 1972?.
4. Why did the Politicos both sides (now three regions) remain silent till 2001 and helped only one City, Hyderabad to develop?Why was the potential in all three regions not exploited, to make one of them capital easily now?
5. Why, after 2009, when Congress decided to announce separate state formation,( accepting in principle the demand for separate state) an attempt was not made to build a new capital in Coastal AP or Seema or both places so that confidence could have been restored?
6. Why was a sudden announcement made without any groundwork or any supporting figures for separation and equitable distribution of assets, after keeping the issue in cold storage for decades?
7. Why did they appoint a Committee with Antony as head when they say “there is no going back on Telangana” even while Congress CM and Ministers are opposing it with Hyderabad in limbo?
8. If, ultimately they decide Hyderabad as UT, dissatisfying the other side, was not precious time of 66 years lost for both sides?
9. Does not tokenism on all issues facing the country throw the nation in endless and unwanted turmoil?
10. If it is a fait accompli that a separate Telangana demand were justified,why did the Congress allow the issue drag for forty four years and then, within forty four minutes announce a decision throwing the whole state (Not one area,please note; all sides are skeptic) into turmoil? Or why was a 2nd SRC not formed in 2004 itself which they indicated during elections that time? What happened  to the Sri Krishna Committee Report and why was it not discussed threadbare? 

    
    

    \The worst part is till date no overt attempt was made to assuage the agitated people of the three sides. Unless Congress answers these questions, a state loses its glory and the Congress is sure to lose heavily in the State. Congress and Congress Party alone has to blame for the state of affairs today and all other political players are, at best side shows. It is high time Congress accepts this,announce elections early and leave this decision to a responsible Government in 2014, who favor separation but with respect to both sides. I hope they can do a better job even in dividing the state as they are doing to unite the nation under one umbrella of securities of all kinds! Or, if Congress feels it can convince the three sides for an amicable settlement soon, without eating its words again, it will be most welcome. JAI HIND!

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DISCLAIMER: I have no personal interest in the division or keeping the state united as I already suffered in youth, my children are well settled beyond this affair and my grandchildren might build their own world when they grow up. But my heart goes out to the youth who lost their lives and are losing their lively hood. Hope rulers and other political parties wake up from deep SLUMBER and settle the issue soon. One youth from Telangana Region tweeted to me," Are you pro-Telangana or United State?" I replied "I am pro-my stomach now and that the youth should not suffer anymore as I suffered mine!"