THE NIGHTMARE- - RAHUL INTERVIEWS ME
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Today, there is a news item published in the Hindustan Times, that is not unknown for its bias towards Indian National Congress. The Head Line reads thus.
RAHUL ON TALENT HUNT TO PICK FUTURE LEADERS
I was interested.It is my habit to read news papers from the first news item to the last except Bollywood gossip. So,I read this. Rahul interests me. I find in him a toddler.
The news item has a few interesting points.
1. Rahul tried this in Youth Congress but the exercise failed.
2. Rahul tried this in 2007 UP elections for Congress candidate selection and most of them lost.
3. The exercise was aimed at controlling the pulling of strings and to select candidates democratically by selection through Interview. Please don't get confused. This is Congress, Indian National Congress.
4. For this each state unit was asked to pick five candidates for interviews. (None knows who pulls strings there)
5. Rahul only does the questioning on all matters. We know he is Know-All. A General Secretary is present but he is silent. But he decides who is suitable for which post.
6. Already,Rahul has conducted two interviews. Surprised? In Bangkok, it might have been.
7. Rahul is keen that leaders should be elected through democratic, internal elections only. But he will decide whom to elect through interviews. Confusing? That is how Congress confuses people. "We gave people everything, but 67% are Below Poverty Line. Blame them."
8. Gandhi is keen to close back doors and see that they enter through kitchen chimneys, opened by him. You need not pull the strings through anyone, he will pull them for you so you are in through the chimney, Heaven-Sent through the skies.
This is what the news reporter was asked to write by the Congress Party. The name of the reporter is Aurangazeb Naqshbandi. Sounds good. Today only, a Distorian told Times of India that Aurangazeb donated lots of land and money to Hindu Temples and never harassed them. When respected historians distort history, we should believe them. So, we should believe this reporter also, who looks too secular to be disbelieved.
I just slept after reading the news and had a sweet dream. The Congress leaders with whom I had fights during my service, came to my house and started pulling me with strings. I was flabbergasted. Will they harm me? They said, "Come! We will show you what it is like fighting us. Now, Rahul will interview you and if you are selected you will be the General Secretary of Congress in AP." I fainted and after I regained consciousness I asked, "Where is Congress in AP? ". They laughed and said, "We are also leaving the party and joining A1 Party."
I was taken to Delhi in a First Class AC bogie that was fully booked by the Congress. I was tied in strings. Four others were similarly tied and brought. We were all dropped through the chimney into the @Office of RG.
It was a posh office, adorned with photos of Freedom Fighters. In the big AC hall a Silver Board was hanging, "Indian National Congress, Party of the Poor, by the Poor and for the Poor.", was written in golden letters.
I decided I would not pass through this interview. I never failed in any interview till date. So, I decided I would give Rahul a run for his black money.
I was pulled by the strings into a big AC room in which were seated Rahul and Manya Digvijay Singh.
On the walls were photos of Late Motilal Nehru, his wife, Jawahar Lal Nehru, Kamala Nehru, Indira Gandhi (Feroz was not there), Sanjay Gandhi, Rajiv Gandhi, Sonia Gandhi, Priyanka Gandhi, Robert Vadra Gandhi, Rahul Gandhi, a blank frame where his heir may come, Qattorochi, Anderson etc., who helped the family. There were small pictures of Lady Mountbatten and her Lord. Don't ask me who? You know.
I thought these were the democratic leaders of Congress! Notable absentees were Mahatma Gandhi and Dr. B.R. Ambedkar!
He asked me to sit. "Don't mind the itching" he said as I was scratching my ....! In INC India only seats comfortable are that of President and Vice President, he continued.
He started interview.
Name?
I told.
Age?
I told.
Gender?
Am I looking like Gay?
Are you hair to anyone in the party?
No, I have my own hair.
I asked heir, not hair.
No.
Did you pull the strings to come here?
No, my enemies pushed me with strings.
Good. It happens. He smiled. Diggy smiled nervously.
Do you know how farmers are suffering?
Yes, I know.
How?
They lost posts, they are not getting funds from party, there is no respect, people are not voting any former. Yes! Formers are suffering a lot,.
I said, farmers, not formers.
No! They are not. No one is grabbing their lands freely.
Diggy whispered something.
OK. Do you know OROP?
Yes! One Rahul One Priyanka.
OK. OK. Do you know LS did not function. GST bill was not passed. Modi failed to bring black money?
Yes. I know. How can he bring it when it is here?
Diggy whispered again.
Diggy whispered again.
"Life Time" Rahul said.
"Life time?"
Yes,until you die or Congress dies whichever is earlier.
But, every year we have to elect democratically, no?
We will elect you democratically. Were we not elected elected as President and Vice President the other day, democratically? He saw proudly at a photo and cried, "Mommy!"
But where is Congress in AP?
Diggy whispered.
There are hundred leaders and two hundred factions. Each leader has a mirror. They fight with themselves.
Diggy handed over twenty five sealed covers.
Rahul disposed me handing over the covers. "These are twenty five covers. They are sealed. Every year you open a cover and declare that you have been democratically elected by the High Command."
If you die we will collect the covers back. If the party dies, (more possible I thought) the covers will be dysfunctional.
Diggy smiled wryly. "Now, you will know. You tweet mocking me?", the smile looked as saying.
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I recalled a small play relayed on AIR written by Sri DV Narasa Raju, known for pun and fun in his scripts for Telugu Pictures, named Vaapas. In that a young unemployed graduate pesters his college to refund his fee as his degree has not helped him in life. They call him for an interview putting forth a condition that for all questions he must give wrong answers and one right answer, he has failed. Like me he decides to fail. But they twist his answers and refuse to refund the fee.
Two aspiring -to -be -heros met in a small, stinking restaurant. One came as a customer. The other was serving. "Oh! You are eating in this wretched hotel" the server-cum-aspiring-to be hero mocked the eating-cum-aspiring-to-be-hero. "But you are server." mocked the second hero. "I serve here, but I never eat here" laughed the first hero.
I recalled this and thought I should be circumspect about my old colleagues cum victims of politics in Congress. But it happens. One day I met one guy. I said "So! You degraded yourself to the level of working for this wretched party!" not to be out done by him. "You are President of this wretched party" he retorted mockingly. "I am President, but I work for BJP", I laughed loudly crying in elation, "Rahul! Rahul! I had you!"
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My wife came running from the kitchen. Why are you shouting Rahul, Rahul!.I told you to leave that Idiot Box, (Lap Top). Wake up. Congress is officially closed. I just saw in the papers. I woke up, heaved a sigh of relief and thanked God! Democracy still lives!
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