Wednesday, October 9, 2013


“What is cooking today, Chef Prince? Is there any new recipe? Our TRPs are down. You should help with your laughing potions or portions“

“Yes! Today, ‘Velocity of Jupiter and not velocity of earth’ is cooking.

“Oh! Wonder fool! Is it? What are the ingredients? We knew you could’t keep quiet at this age. So you invent a new recipe each day. Your recent ‘state of mind’, ‘nonsense’ and ‘tear and throw away’ recipes received lots of publicity. Like "dalit homes" and "train journey" recipes in 2009.  Added to that we know you have no family responsibilities.”

“By the way poor and poverty must be the main ingredients. Am I right?”

“Yes! You are right.”

“We knew! In your state of mind you can’t brew any other potion. What are the other ingredients and what is the name of the new recipe?

“Yes! Without poor and poverty and added to that some other new ingredients, we could never have survived in the political restaurant business for almost seven decades what with so many other Chefs too using the same main ingredient.”

“But people are murmuring that it was decayed for the past decade.”

“Yes. We purposefully did it. Unless it is allowed to decay people do not realize the taste of our “dynasty” potion. So we allowed the old monk to decay it.”

“Oh! It is very good. That is why media gets higher TRPs whenever you read your recipes from a paper. But what will you do with your old monk now?”

“We will disgrace him. We will tell all that because of him the potion was decayed and our family had no role in it. Then we can assure all that our family stands alone and tall in making “poor recipes”.

“Oh! Wonder fool again. You did not name the new recipe still”

“I am coming to that point only.  It is called “Jupiter Bank”

“Is it like the vote bank potion you have been brewing since your great grand father’s time?”

“It is kind of that only, but with increased velocity. You may wonder ‘What is velocity to do with vote bank recipes?’  I will come to that later. First let me list out the other ingredients and the process.”

“OK, now. It requires a big cauldron. No fireplace is necessary as the country is already on fire. Just place the cauldron anywhere in India, it will heat up. As it heats up it goes hungry. It requires something to secure, sorry, appease the hunger. Then you add five kilogram ‘Food Security Bill” in that cauldron. An aroma will come out. Fan the aroma of the five kilogram food bill to the whole country”

“But do you have so much food to be used?”

“Why is food necessary? It is only the aroma that we spread. Once we cook the recipe and start enjoying the potion we leave the cauldron hungry for another five years. Then we will add one more new ingredient. Is it not what our ancestors have been doing?”

“Sure. I get the point. Is there any other ingredient?”

“Yes. It is called Land Acquisition Bill. This spreads aroma of non-existing compensations for land acquired. It may kill Industry. But it will make us good electoral potion, by drinking which we can live healthy for five more years.”

“But you have no family to continue the family tree. How do you ensure that?”

“I lived in Asaram Ashram for ten years. And I took guidance from our senior leader from UP. That solves it.”

“I get it. Great minds always are in great state of minds. None can beat you. You did not elaborate the point of velocity.”

“That is what I am wondering. I read it from the script. Now, I have to go back to the script writer for clarification. I will see you again. In the meantime, I wish you best of luck with TRPs.”

"Thank you, Chef Prince! We all enjoyed your show!