Monday, August 19, 2013


Who said “Onions” are scarce? If you read my blogs you will get Tonnes. Just now, my young friend @niksshah tweeted, Finally, my bad breath of onions attract girls.. they think I am rich.” “What an idea, Sir Jee!” I thought and I tweeted too! I got an idea too! Why do not I open a “Matrim”onion” site? All lovers, former lovers and farmer lovers like the “Pawarful” people from Maharashtra are the target clients. Those in 'cold storage' too can join. The logo is 'Rupee chasing Onion” and “Yen n Dollar” laughing from the sideline. A video presentation of the “Pound pounding Rupee” and “Onion reaching out to Pound” for parity is presented in 'coal' color, sorry “cold” color.

I paid some friends in the Media to give “free publicity”, so it can reach 'millions”like “Breaking News”. The brief reads like this.

Alliances are invited for beautiful young dames and handsome young males who own Dollars, Yens and Pounds from prospective grooms/brides who own onions, onion fields or who owe their riches to only “onions”. Age no bar. Those in cold storage till now can also approach.”

There was poor response. I wondered why? I wanted to do a survey. I went to the most famous park in the city where lovers hide behind bushes to discuss their future plans. I heard a murmur. “Sorry, Niks! I cant marry you.” The stunned lover came out of the bush and shouted “Whyyyyyyy?” She still hid behind the bush and replied, “You don't smell onions. My father can easily smell those whose breath does not smell onions”. The shocked boy went into a tizzy and sang, “Oh! Onion! Did you reach the Moon?” At which the Moon laughed and said “ It crossed me and is travelling towards the Sun". The dejected lover left in search of at least one 'onion' to smell. I smelled an onion here. I called out the prospective bride and asked, “By chance, do you own Dollars, Yens or Pounds?”. She said, “No. My father owns a lot. But he does speculate. He won't give out”. My chance lost, I went further.

An old couple was sitting on the bench and were arguing. “ Manmohan, you cheated on me. When I married you, you were owning lots of rupees. Now, your market value is nil. See our neighbor. He owns lots of onions. In fact he is searching for a bride with Yens” “True! I know Bommaji! He is independent and can do anything. You know my plight. I am dependent on local bosses and global crises” At which, the old woman turned sympathetic and said “ Don't worry. You will also grow soon. But I won't give you a third chance. I am going for a young guy with onions” Dejected the old man left the shoes he was wearing and went into oblivion. A young (40+) bachelor waiting in the bushes entered his shoes and took away the “Doyen” on onions.

Dejected, I went further. A group of young people were seen arguing, “She called me 'onion faced”, no, she called me” I stopped and asked, “What is the matter?” They briefed me. A girl called one of them 'onion faced'. They don't know whom. I asked, “Does any one own an onion?” 'No', they said. “Then, why quarrel? Go to Africa and earn a few onions.” At which they walked towards the African Consulate.

I would have walked further. But the bachelor who entered the shoes of the old man was running towards the gate crying (without tears as it is not possible without cutting onion) “Oh! Onion, Onion, you spoiled my power equation. When can I marry power again?”

I came back to my office and opened the site. A million were registered for “Matrimonion”. I wondered. We have “Yens” and “Oni Yens” too! We are not poor, after all!


Note: @niksshah is a real 'humorous' friend on Twitter. Follow him and smile about his vegetarian jokes. Rest you can throw like “rotten onions”. Sorry, we cant throw rotten onions too! Enjoy them too as you like! They are scarce too! Thank you, Niks! And sorry for bringing out your 'secret'. The "Oni Yen" is from @narayanreddy, another young friend, jovial guy! Married. Hence, no jokes. I don't know the status of Niks. 

If anyone has a 'bright, humorous idea on onion, please tweet me on my TL. I will try to build a blog in your name. Thank you! Enjonion!