Saturday, August 24, 2013



MESSING UP WITH MISSING FILES


Filing is an art. In olden days, in many offices there used to be a specific grade employees for the purpose. They used to “mess” up with files. If angry on the boss the 'filing attendant' used to file important, urgent papers in the middle. Boss had to split his head to find the papers. (Personal experience here) There was also a practice to file the papers in the wrong ones. So, he files the papers of “Coal” file in the “Goal” file. This is called “Golmal” in Hindi. This is the “Messing Up” Part of  files.

Once I accompanied a builder to a Municipal Office. He submitted a wrong affidavit and the clerk duly filed it and cleared the permission. I asked him,” How can you escape audit of the file?” He counter-questioned me, “Which file?” I was thoroughly educated on the subject. These are “corruption files”. They have their specific places to hide. When required they are not seen. They are “Missing Files”

Computers replaced physical files. “Corruption files” were replaced by “corrupt files”. There is a back up problem,. As long as one has somebody to back him up, there is no issue. Computer servers will be down in time, so back up is not seen. Or else, as there is no coal there will be no power. Power back up problem is solved by back up from the powerful.

Legend has it that Chitragupta (CG) was the first and best filing clerk in the scheme of Gods! He uses dry palm leaves and a wooden stick to write. He never wets his palms or palm leaves.  He has 'mines' of 'sins' to note and file. He is immortal and works 24X7 like Media. He has no relief. Even his boss “Yam” has a fixed tenure. Not CG, that is power of the G therein. Every billion years or so a new Yam takes over. Not CG, his inimitable assistant. He works for “Yam's Office. We can call it Yam O, for simplicity. Only CG has access to Yam O besides Yam.

CG is known for immaculate noting of mines of 'sins' of humans! He never messes up with a file nor misses it! When Yam holds inquest he produces files of sins promptly. He has instructions not to note sins of Very Very Important personalities in hell and Heaven. But due to overwork and in a drowsy mode he noted millions of sins of a few VVIPs. Through some sources Yam came to know of it and referred the matter to the Supreme. Inquest started and the files went missing.

Who misplaced or missed the file? Yam blamed CG. CG put the blame on 'unidentified' sources. “Supreme” took serious exception to the missing files. Commotion started in Heaven and hell. All descended on hell to search. Their interest is to know if their name is in the file and remove papers of their sins. All inmates of hell and Heaven started protesting at the special treatment of VVIPs. All hell broke out in hell and Heaven.

Suddenly there came one from the crowd with a small 'tablet' and said “I have back up in my computer”. All were stunned. CG recouped and asked “who are you?” “I am a Tech savvy citizen from Akhand Bharath. I noted all their sins in this box.” “CG verified his files and asked, “How could you enter this place?” The human laughed and said “ I am an anti-corruption crusader. I stand for good, corruption free governance. I work for common good. My people love me. I am Omnipotent and Omniscient” At which the Supreme felt very happy and thought “ After all! My creation is not faulty! The land I love found a great leader!” He blessed him to be immortal and sent him back! All are now waiting for the judgment day!


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Disclaimer: This is a "humor skit" to see your smiles. If smiles are missing please approach the 'omnipotent'. He will find the missing 'smile file'. Keep smiling!