Friday, September 27, 2013


SIN OF ONION - THE JAIL AND BAIL STORY





Politics in India is filled with fun.  But how can this be known to an onion? So, when a young man was released on bail even when the case of corruption continued, an innocent onion approached the “vegetable court” for bail too. Onion and bail?  No confusion here. Onion was in prison. The prison is called a godown. It is impossible to escape from here as it is totally secure. No government authority dares enter the cold storage godown. But onion can not say, “I am suffocating here. Release me.” So it told the court, “I am suffering in an extremely cold condition in the prison. It is like the North Pole.  So please grant me bail, Your Honor. ” The Onion Bureau of Investigation (OBI) objected to the bail as election is far away. “What is the relation between an onion and election?” the court questioned OBI.  “It is a big story.” the OBI advocate chuckled. “We will hear that later, but first tell us what the crime of onion is.” asked the court. “Quid pro quo” told the OBI. “What do you mean by quid pro quo?” asked the stunned judge. “Yes Your Honor! Whenever the common man tries to cut the onion to size, it demands tears from him. That is the Quid Pro Quo, Your Honor.” Convinced was the Judge and he asked the OBI Advocate to relate the story of the relation between an onion and election. An amused OBI advocate narrated the story thus.

THE STORY OF JAIL AND BAIL

The grand old party held a closed door strategy session. The discussion centered round the party strategy to counter the surging public opinion in favor of the opposition. They were alarmed at the prospect of the opposition winning the election and the post poll position of their wealth accumulation. The scion of the first family initiated the discussion. He forgot the name of the party that was opposing them in the coming election. He remembered only the leader named by the party to lead the nation as he was always thinking about him only. His state of mind was such that it was months after he visited Spain and hence his growing hair clouded his brain. So, he asked, “What is the name of the opposition?”  Unfortunately, all the minions present forgot the name of the party as their brains were filled with the image of the opposition party’s leader. But one who came out on bail from jail recently and still facing corruption charges remembered the name. And he stood and said, “Young boss, I know. It is JBP.”

Then, it struck the leader and all his yes-men too got their memory back all of a sudden. “No, it is BJP”, they cried in unison. “No, it is JBP, boss.” shouted back the bailed out jailed fan of the leader, who is always in utter confusion. “What is JBP?”, asked the Captain of the sinking ship, called GOP. “It is Jail and Bail Party”.  “Awesome! What is your name?”, asked the scion.  “You know me! I am always in the news for the wrong reason and my confusion. I am in-charge of party affairs, for a state south of the Vindhyas.”  The boss adjusted his hair so that his brain can peep out and think and said” Now! I remember you.  What an idea Sir, jee?”, he shouted. The congregation of the fan club saw in consternation and confusion. They wanted to call his mom. But in the meantime the champion young leader regained the function of his brain and asked the wrong one to explain.


“In fact, JBP is not our opposition, boss. It is an ally in our hour of compulsion. I was in the state under my charge a week back. I was stunned by the reception got by a young man in jail on charges of corruption released on bail, courtesy our agencies of investigation. The whole traffic was diverted. Our party leaders helped in halting the traffic for more than five hours to see him get a grand welcome. I went to the CM and asked why a person released from jail and on bail got such a huge reception and why they were helping him. He smiled and said that he would be our future savior in the election.” I was awe struck. A person facing charges of corruption and our savior?” I asked.

“Yes! All these are our future allies. Our Supreme knows we can’t win election on our own this time in any state.  So we initiated a process long back whereby we can align all political leaders of various hues. This is called “Operation Jail and Bail.” First we identify some corrupt politicians who are the most unethical when it comes to quid pro quo and imprison them. Then at the time of election we release them on bail, with help from agencies of investigation.  In the meantime we continue to bash them day in and day out, so that all the sympathy of voters they gain. We can use their sisters and mother, if required. Exactly before election we release them on bail with help from the agencies of investigation. Later, we align with them and form government. This is a quid pro quo arrangement our Supreme framed.”

“And young boss, when the CM told this story I was flabbergasted. What an idea, Madam! I shouted and swooned. When I regained, I told him that we could name these as “Jail and Bail Parties.”

The boss adjusted his hair again and allowed his brain to function.  He got an idea. “What is the rate of onion?”  He asked. “It is ten short of one hundred” replied all in unison.  “How many onions we kept in cold storage prison?”, the brain behind the scion asked. “Oh! Tons and tons” all chuckled.  “So, you ask OBI to see they get bailed out just before election. The price will come down.  Our common man in his state of mind usually forgets any crime. So once the onion price comes down, he will forget it brought tears even without cutting. So, once onion wins us the election we will admit it in our coalition.”

A very cunning minion asked, “What about the crime of the onion boss, the quid pro quo?”

This time the boss chuckled. “Oh! That will remain. We will keep it as our trump card. We will again imprison the onion, release it on bail and so on and so forth.  Onion! Zindabad”, he shouted.” The chelas joined the chorus.

The story ends here.

“So, Your Honor! The above story is self explanatory. With this I rest my arguments and strongly oppose bail to  onion until election.”

Onion chuckled and nodded its head. As the onion had no objection to remain in prison till election, the Judge adjourned the case till the next election.”

“After all!  Onion knows its power on common man.” thought the judge of the vegetable court back in the cabin. Amazed by the brain of the Supreme the common man looked in stunned silence!

                                                       @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@