Friday, July 10, 2015

CHURNING OF THE OCEAN OF LIFE - THE EIGHTHPART- ENTRY OF MY GODDESS OF LIFE VANI. INTO MY LIFE




I start this episode with my mother's blessings. After her jaunts to various brothers and sisters' houses and not getting proper treatment, she came back to me in 2009 for my sister's daughter's marriage. She was booked a return ticket to Chennai but refused to leave us. We too did not object. (The day after the ticket was cancelled she fell on the feet of my wife. My wife was shocked and hugged her and started crying. "I will not leave your house.Let me stay here. I troubled you both a lot. Now, I am not even getting proper food. I was ashamed to write to you all these days", she said and cried. I too solaced her saying, " You can stay with me forever. We do not have money, but we have three children. It is not a burden for them to feed you whatever you want". She thus settled with me in her last days.   She blessed me that year on 20th October,my birthday. I saw this only today while reviewing her old diaries. At age 82, she wrote this meant she forgave my idiosyncrasies, recognized  my services, invoked my father and all the Gods to bless me, my wife, my grand children. She prayed our ancestors from ten generations to bless me.I do not need wealth. If wealth comes my way due to her blessings,  it will go for charity. The above was her posting in her diary, four months before she went into coma and breathed her last six months later. I stay blessed, my wife and children more so, my grandchildren will show a way to the sinking world! I lived for that purpose only despite meeting the God of Death thrice and returning!






అమ్మ మీద కొన్ని పద్యాలు వ్రాశాను, నా ద్విశతిలో. మననం చేసుకుంటాను. అమ్మ అశీస్సులతో ఎనిమిదవ భాగము.


తల్లి ముద్దు బెట్టగ బ్రేమె తిట్ట బ్రేమె
రెంటి యందును భేదము రాదు కాన
తిట్టు యమ్మయె యొకనాడు తట్టు భుజము
తేట బలికెను ఈబాణి నాదు వాణి!

తాత్పర్యము (తా):

తల్లి ముద్దు పెట్టినా ప్రేమతోనే పెడుతుంది. తిట్టినా ప్రేమ తోనే. రెంటి మధ్యా భేదం కానరాదు. రోజు తిట్టిన అమ్మే రోజు నిన్ను భుజం తట్టి అశీర్వదిస్తుంది.

English:

If the mother kisses you it is out of love. If the mother curses you, it too is out of love. The mother who castigates you today, will, one day pats your shoulder and blesses you.

తల్లి వొడివేడి రోజు తలపు కొచ్చె
కంది పచ్చడి రుచికి కలలు కందు,
అమ్మ కలువ నాకు మనసు అయ్యె నేడు
తేట బలికెను ఈబాణి నాదు వాణి!

తాత్పర్యము (తా):

తల్లి వొళ్ళో ఉండే వెచ్చదనం రోజు మళ్ళీ గుర్తుకొచ్చింది. ఆమె చేసిన రోటి పచ్చడి, కంది పచ్చడి రుచి కలలో కొస్తున్నది. స్వర్గంలో ఉన తల్లిని వెళ్ళి త్వరగా కలుసుకోవాలని ఆశ కలుగుతోంది. (నాకూ వయసు మీరింది కదా. కాలు డొచ్చే కాలం దగ్గర కొచ్చింది కదా

English:

Today, again I recollect the warmth of the bosom of my mother. I dream the taste of the Chutney (made with Taur Dal) in a grinding stone she used to make. (This is Andhra special. Eat with ghee. You can see Heaven on earth). How I wish I meet her in Heaven soon. (even I am of the age when the Lord of Death is awaiting my arrival there). This was written on International Mothers’ Day.

ఎప్పుడొదలదు బిడ్డను ఒంటి గాను

వీట వదిలిన నీవామె వెంటె యొందు

మనసు లుండును యమ్మకు ముందు వెనుక

తేట బలికెను బాణి నాదు వాణి!

తాత్పర్యము (తా):

అమ్మ నిన్ను ఎప్పుడూ ఒంటరిగా వదిలి పెట్టదు. అత్యవసరంగా వదల వలసి వచ్చినా నువ్వు ఆమె వెంటే ఉంటావు, ఎందుకంటే ఆమె మనసు నీ దగ్గరే వదిలి వెళుతుంది కదా. అమ్మకు ముందూ, వెనుకా రెండు హృదయాలుంటాయేమో!


English:


Mother never leaves you alone. Even if she leaves you at home in emergency, you are still with her as her heart revolves around you. Who knows, mother has two hearts one on duty, the other on child?




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Back to 1975-76 years. After the pension issue was settled, life went on normally. In 1974 I obtained a gas connection from HP. I did it in a manner no one would have imagined. One temporary employee working with us suggested this to me and it was a practice then as getting gas connection was more difficult than having Darshan of Srinivasa on Seven Hills, if you were not VVIP or had a letter from VVIP. I used to stay in Ashoknagar near Chikkadpally area. At that time a new outlet of HP Gas was announced near Super Bazaar, Malakpet (where I stay now) Hyderabad. We went to the area and searched for house numbers, got one good house, noted its number and gave that address. Usually they verified the address before allotting the connection. We filled the form and handed it over. He was about to tell us to meet in one week. He was a fresh graduate like us, very good in English communication and with pleasant looks. Before he opened his mouth, I asked him what his qualification was. His attention was mildly diverted. The talk went on for half hour, on many subjects. He was very pleased to talk to two educated young men. We got the connection, I purchased a stove and some more accessories. There was a lock in period of six months to get it transferred to our area. In the middle of pep talk I told him the truth. He just smiled and said he knew from the beginning as half connections he gave were from other areas only as that area had not yet developed totally. What the Company wanted was to expand to newer areas. When I brought the stove, my mother objected as she could not clean the burners. I was flabbergasted. I had to bring my friends after a week to convince her how easy it was compared to coal and kerosene. She started and was happy. The same time I bought Sumeet  Mixer etc., to make her comfortable. I purchased new utensils, pressure cookers, non-stick pans as and when they entered the market as I was thinking of her comfort zone only always. This drew criticism from my brothers, who said I was acting above my capacity. Today, my children gave me an I-pad, a Samsung Galaxy Tab, one Sony and one Acer Lap top and one I phone, one Samsung smart phone and what not! What we sow, we reap! And recently I donated an Acer Lap Top to my Watchman's daughter. It was three year old in good working condition and one Asus Lap top to our driver's son, though my son asked me to sell them. (I would have got Rs.4000? max on both together). And I traveled to seven countries till now, some twice. Traveled across USA. (Note that I do not have income or assets now, like my mother). My children closely observed me later in my life, how I served my mother. Her blessings are a result of that only.



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In 1975, my second brother visited Hyderabad alone. He was deep in financial troubles by that time, I do not recollect why. One thing I knew was he lost all gold jewels  of his wife while travelling from Hyderabad to Chennai after his marriage. By that time I was in Hyderabad, in LIC of India. When he came, he was wearing torn-out inners. My mother pleaded with me to help him out of the crisis. I purchased six pairs of inners, some pants and shirt pieces from Mr,.Solanki, from whom we used to buy clothes on six installments. He was a Demi God then. I gave him some money too, borrowing from my friends. I am narrating this not to show myself as charitable. There were three more incidents linked to this (after I suffered an irreversible blow in life and he was well settled financially)  to show his real character. I will link this at the appropriate time.



This apart, 1975 passed off peacefully. My younger sister was showing a lot of progress in studies and was standing first. Elder one was a dullard, more interested in arts and crafts and chatting and shouting. My younger brother was totally attached to my younger sister and was not leaving her. He looked after her every need. To that extent my burden came down. But my elder sister was a spendthrift then (now a miser, you find rarely) and my burden was more. My younger sister was mild, thrifty in her expenditure, very caring about us two, very mild in talk, had few friends and one way the good girl. I too used to like her. She was hard working, studious, orthodox  and all that good that a girl of that age should have been. Never troubled us then or now. In crisis she helped me a lot too but some issues hurt me beyond repair. But, those are minor unless taken to heart and I took to heart.



In 1976, I completed my Associate Examination in LIC of India. That year the syllabus was totally changed and six new books were given, each of about 150 pages. One was Accountancy, a new subject for me. Though coaching classes were conducted free I skipped them and started getting the books by heart. No roaming, no playing cards. Straight home and start reading till 11 in the night and sleep. Last fifteen days I applied leave and mugged up all books, so much so that, I was telling which chapter was which number and which page it started and where it ended. I was the only one to get through all papers in the division in two parts and I got two increments. My friend , who was the only one tipped to get through, failed in one paper. Rest were no where. I got first mark in one paper in the division and was given a certificate and cash prize in Ravindra Bharati. It was no mean achievement and I needed money to look after the family. This added to my importance in the office. If I continued in LIC I would have got through the Fellowship examination and two more increments. But fate had other thoughts.



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It was on 28th November, 1976 I first met her, at Hotel Sarovar besides our office. I was not knowing the meeting was arranged by one of my closest childhood friends, Akkapeddi Venkatappaiah Sarma and his cousin sister. (More about Sarma later, as he was one of the closest friends along with two others in my school days.).  It was birthday of Sarma and he asked me to host party on his behalf to his sister and her close friend. He was still unemployed then. So, we had snacks and as usual I started talking freely to the new girl.She was more talkative. And when the turn for sweet came she asked for Basundi, at which I ordered it saying she looked a posh family girl as Basundi was the costliest sweet at Rs.5/- per plate. She faked anger. But all settled when I said, "Sorry!". That was our first meeting. I obtained her phone number and rang her office next day. She came furiously at 2 PM, at which time her office closed and we went again to the same hotel for lunch and coffee. She was cool by then and we had coffee and departed. Then, I came to know through my friends that she came to see me for a marriage proposal for her elder sister. I felt bad and said the proposal might come through her parents. But my attraction to her did not die. I stopped communicating with her. But I came to know from my friend's sister that she was waiting for my call daily. I asked her to come to my office and she came. One month passed in between. Then she asked whether I liked her. I said "yes". She said, "The moment I talked to you, I liked you. I am not able to forget the way you talk and entertain. I liked the purity of your thought and heart.". From then, it was a daily routine to meet. Naubat Pahad, Tank Bund, Public Gardens, Museum, Zoo were our favorite jaunts. All in three months. In the meantime, I got high fever and did not attend office for a week. One day she came to my house, first time I saw her in tears seeing me on bed. My mother liked her and later said, she would be lucky if she got such a daughter-in-law. I felt grateful to God! Thought line was clear. Till then, she did not tell me that her purpose of first meeting was to look for a proposal to her sister.



On March, 4, 1977 she came unannounced. She took me to Sarovar Hotel, said she would host lunch and directly asked me, "I am in love with you. Will you marry me even if all oppose in your family? " Very daring, no? I said I was waiting for the proposal but I hesitated.Then I told her that I knew she came for her elder sister and now I wanted her only. She said she was feeling shameful but still did not want to leave me.She held my hand tight. I said, "Come what may,I will marry you".Meeting ended, Trouble started.



I told my mother the same day that I decided to marry the girl I wanted to marry. I recalled the visit too. All hell broke loose. There were vociferous protests from mother, brothers and sisters. One went to the extent of saying that if a working girl decided to marry this "Nava Manmadha", we could not know what her character must have been and with how many she had relation. I told them that I would wait till my elder sister got married.  Even then , the protests continued. In their family too they raised objection, as her elder sister was to be married but they reconciled to that it seems. But my physical appearance was a big block. So, they too were opposed to the match.



But the real catch lay elsewhere. One evening, while sitting on the Tank Bund she said she would like to tell a few matters she was hesitating to discuss. First she said she was not a graduate. As my friends told her to tell a lie, as I was  particular about education she told like that. She discontinued due to severe financial problems and joined a temporary job in Hyderabad. I told her it was not an issue as she was intelligent and could complete graduation after marriage, (She completed MA English, learned cooking from me,  Veena, Music, dance, swimming, yoga, got by heart the whole of Gita and was the first teacher to my children). Then came the bomb shell. Her father left them (three girls) and married again, gave a little property out of which a small portion of a house in Vijayawada was remaining and some farm land. They lived in one room, rented out the other two and survived on help from others. So, she could not afford any dowry and many matches for her sister went back as they were fatherless and brother-less and no formalities could be performed post marriage. I was not much worried. I never wanted all these things. But, convincing my mother would be hell. My family was expecting lot of dowry because of my job and prospects of growth. They were hoping to transfer that to my elder sister. Plus my mother was an old orthodox woman who expected the in-laws to support me in life. Now, the situation was reverse. I had to support their family. I just heard and said we would go and got up. She held my hand from behind and asked, "Will you leave me and go away like that? " Whenever I remind her this even today she says that it has been the biggest mistake of her life. (jokingly). I said I was only planning the further course to be followed if my people rejected this. It was in April, 1977. Our meetings continued. She was asking me whether I broached the subject, my negative answer disappointed her. After a fortnight, I told this to my mother. It was a hell that week. I said I had decided to marry the girl, if they found her suited in the family they could stay or we would go out and live. All my relations came into picture, advised about the seven generations, if this generation was like this how could you jump, make more inquiries etc., I said I made up my mind and if they persisted with this kind of mudslinging on an innocent girl, I would marry her immediately, not waiting for my or her sister's marriage, as this would only prolong her agony. It did not stop. All kinds of words (unparliamentary words were spoken on her mother, her sisters, herself). Then , I made my move.



There were two reasons for my advancing the date and taking a daring step, unimaginable those days. My mother in law was worried as any long gap might jeopardize the whole issue and being single woman she could not afford to marry the other daughters too if this slipped out of hand. Second was the constant harassment I had to face till I took the whole burden of my elder sister. This could be alibi to my other brothers that I did not take dowry.



Dowry was impossible for the family to give. When once, I visited their room, I saw my mother in law pledging household utensils with a pawn broker. I asked Vani. She said to feed me good recipes, she was doing it, From then on, I was giving money as and when they needed. The very next year, in May her sister got married. My mother in law sold the landed property for dowry and expenses. If I took dowry, that land would have gone then itself. What harm did I do to their family, my brothers, that you blamed me for ruining her sister's life? I repeat his FB Post on this.




Sudhakara Rao Neelamraju

May 18 ·
It is true that I did not come to Hyderabad asI was in Shaghai.Atleast whether you waited till your elders to come.Do you remember that the utterences you made in front of the public and Purohit. You already killed when she was alive..What makes you to burn the pyre when the younger bother was there. Are you proud of the actions. "You don't havr thr patience to wait till the elder sister of your wife to get marry."You ruinrd her life also..For all five brothers and sisters there is only one mother. We can can not cut in to her pieces. It it is her wish to stay back with you for reasons well knowno you. (Verbatim. No corrections made. sic.)


That is his culture.


So, I discussed with my friends, expressed a desire to marry in the Registrar's office. One in the batch had a relation who worked as Marriage Registrar. He explained the General and Special Marriage Acts. First one was to get married in a temple and get it registered. This could be contested and cancelled by interested parties. Second one is to give notice of one month, that will be placed on the notice board of the office. If no one objected, we could get marriage registered under oath.


We gave notice on 15th May, got our marriage registered under Special Marriage Act, paying Rs. 20/- as fee and Rs.20/- as eenam. Muslim officer was Registrar. My friends witnessed from both sides. We exchanged garlands in Public Garden, had lunch and she left to Vijayawada. ( By that time her temporary posting in the NCC office was terminated). A week later, the certificate came and I showed in my house and told them they precipitated the issue and I had to act. It took two months for my mother to reconcile and she asked me to bring the girl home. She stayed a week and convinced my mother she was a suitable daughter-in-law.



My mother proposed that I wed her as per tradition and I did it on 2nd September, the same year. There was not much fanfare. We spent Rs.3000/- between us, mostly my contribution. Perhaps, it was one marriage without any heartburn from any side. My wife stayed in our house , a week before marriage. (My mother allowed it). My wife was new to the ordhodox ways of my mother, the very harsh words by my sisters like, ("I hate working women etc.,). She went to her mother's house, first and last time leaving me for a fortnight. She never, ever thought of leaving me alone except for two months each for the first teo child births, (Wonder? Went in ninty month and returned in 1st month).



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A total change in life. From here on it is not about me but about weird characters in the Bank and influence of the actions of my family members on me that routed me but I rose like Phoenix, with the help of the girl/lady/woman in my life and my highly educated, highly resposnsible and mild mannered children who are nothing but replicas of my wife in patience, perseverance, love and attachment.



From next epidode, I will share my blog individually, as it reflects the characters you find in Media (rumor mongers), Lalus (convicts that speak morals), Kejris (that never tell truth, but appear honest), Nitishes (envious to the core), Indira Gandhis (dictators and corrupt to the core), dynasty rule, diabolic double talkers, back stabbers etc., And you find a Swamy, a Modi though not successful like them fought through out. Here, I am risking a criminal defamation too, as I name people but records justify my stand. I am confident.